Goodbye, 2005

Pretty predictable, huh? But how can you not . . .

With no numbering system and only fairly generic categories, here goes the best of 2005.

Favorite stuff
I got married!
Mom and I pretty much made over my house (although we've still got stuff to do).
I got a new job and I like it.

Favorite eats
Gunther's (I still like Vics, but we went to Gunther's a lot, so it gets the nod).
Malouf's Taste of Lebanon (about once a week -- spinach pie, lentil soup, falafel, labneh . . .)
Kamon. Every Saturday night - I think we missed it about four times this year when we were out of town.
Fox and Goose for breakfast.
Cafe Bernardo for breakfast, too.
Tres Hermanas, whenever I can get it.

Best buy
Tie between my cool new armchair and the reproduction Stickley side table

Best books I read this year
The Time Traveller's Wife - Niffenberger (I liked the characters so much I missed them when it was over.)
The Things They Carried - O'Brien (Read it for school, but it was fantastic.)
Where I was From - Didion (Thought provoking. I can't wait to start the new one.)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Golden (Yeah, yeah. I liked it, I don't care.)
Candyfreak -- Almond (Lightweight, but very interesting and funny.)
Plan B - Lamott (More of the same as in Travelling Mercies. But I like the same.)


Best Albums I bought this year (almost none of which were released this year)
American Idiot -- Green Day
Poor Little Critter on the Road -- The Knitters
Get Behind Me Satan -- The White Stripes
Good News for People who Love Bad News -- Modest Mouse
The Moon and Antartica -- Modest Mouse
Dead 60s -- The Dead 60s
Let's Do Something We'll Both Regret - Rock the Light
Mezmerize -- System of a Down (I will not apoligize for liking this!!!)
Sounds of Violence -- Th' Losin Streaks
Create or Die -- Whiskey Rebels
And I'm much too lazy to get up and look at the titles, but I got CDs from Ira and the Velvet Fury, too.

Best movies I watched:
Hotel Rwanda
Walk the Line
Good Night and Good Luck
Crash
Man, my memory sucks! I know I saw other good stuff this year, but I can't remember what!

Overall, this year gets a pretty high score on the old life-o-meter. I welcome 2006, too, though. Let's see what comes.

On Vacation!!!!!

Which means a lot of daytime TV. Here's who I'm ready to kill -- the woman who thinks Hidden Valley Ranch salad dressing powder makes salsa "jazzy . . . pizazzy!" Also, the woman who juggles Tic-Tacs on her tongue and does dog tricks with them. Creepy.

Watched Batman Begins -- not too into it. I mean, it already had a mark against it in my mind because of Christian Bale, who has creeped me out since American Psycho. I suppose that's a testament to his acting ability that I can never get that character out of my head, but seriously, I just can't see him as anything but a . . . freak with tools. And he has creepy teeth. They need to be longer or something.

But then also I kind of had a hard time with suspension of disbelief. Because, you know, the other movies start right away with a superhero dressed like a bat and a villian in a great deal of makeup. So you know what the deal is right away, and can go "Okay, batdude and crazy villain." But this one was more like gritty realism, ghetto mafia-owned town, kid whose parents get killed, Chinese jail, and then "Hey, longtime butler, I'm thinking of becoming a superhero." "Right then, would you like some wheat grass juice? I believe we have an unused corner of the basement. Bat, is it? Shall we call it the Batcave, then?"

That's about it, I guess. I seem to be pretty well booked up this next week. My neck somehow got jacked up while I slept last night, so much so that I really couldn't sleep, and got up at about 5:30 and slept fitfully on the couch. I took a muscle relaxer earlier (well, about 1/4 of one), and I feel a little better. I'm still actually in a lot of pain, but I can move, which is an improvement. This was one of those things where I had to work up a strategy to get off the couch, and it took about 5 minutes. Okay, love and kisses to all.

--K

Oh lord, Mockula's reflecting.

Yeah, well. At the end of the year, even though all it really means is that it's time to buy a new calendar, it's hard to avoid some amount of thinking.

The year started off a little shaky. My purse was stolen from work. Our house got robbed and then my car was stolen. Piggs' dad had to have bypass surgery. My drama club turned out to be a bit of a bust. But then things turned around. None of those things seemed to be too dramatic -- we got our money back for the stuff we lost (although minus some irreplaceable files), I got my car back (with a dent). I even got a new job! And one tough day when I was crying, Piggs tried to make me stop -- by asking me to marry him. I said yes, and made sure he knows that only works once.

We got married in July, I started my new job in September, Mom and I spent months painting and flooring the house this year (we're not done yet, but we've made a lot of progress), everything's been a bit of a whirlwind. Among the interesting developments this year has been the whole MySpace phenomenon. I've gotten back in touch with so many old friends this year, including two (yes, two), I went to elementary school with. I had coffee with a friend from high school, and wondered why I hadn't spent more time with him over the years, since she was moving up north that week! I had two great lunch dates with my 4th grade best friend and hope to have more. I found out that an old friend and I had followed strangely similar paths in life. I was relieved and happy to find that an old high school friend was happily married and starting her own business.

Of course, the friends I've had for years and kept in touch with have had great news this year as well. Monkeygirl is almost done with law school and has a position (at a place she likes) for when she graduates. She also has the most adorable kitten! Gynagirl has gotten promotion after promotion, but even better, she figured out what she wants to do, which is travel around Europe before moving to New York. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that now she's made her decision, she'll make it work. Sora graduated with a degree in Anthropology! We all attended her graduation in the spring and I couldn't be more proud if I'd done it myself. G3 finally got on permanently with Intel, and he and Sora just got a great apartment and seem to be enjoying their first chance (ever) to live together, alone. My old friend Beep and his wife just had a beautiful baby girl. My somewhat less old friends (almost 6 years, though, wow!) C&C (the music factory) had a beautiful girl as well. My cousin and his wife had a gorgeous and handsome boy, and after some initial worries, he is healthy and strong and sure to continue to be.

My brand-new family is doing well. I have never seen a better-looking bunch of kids in my life. We were thrilled that not only were they able to come down for our reception, we got to see them at Thanksgiving as well. Joining the Piggs family this year was one of my greatest gifts.

I'm turning 30 in a few weeks. I'm sure I'll have more to say on that when the time comes, but let's face it, I understand where Gynagirl was coming from. It's that whole "Logan's Run," "Don't trust anyone over 30" thing. It may not be anything but a number, but it's a pretty significant number. And round.

I'm sure there's more to say, but it's lunchtime and the kids have invited me to eat with them, so I'm going. Take care, all, and if I don't say so to you in person, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Joyful Solstice, Rockin' Kwanzaa, or Nice Restful Athiest Sunday. Whatever. I'm pro-inclusion!

Catholic fatwa

I kind of gave up on teaching for the next couple days (the kids turned in rough drafts of an essay yesterday and have to turn in a final typed version tomorrow, so there's not much to do here). I'm showing "Millions" instead. It's about two kids who find a huge sack of money. The younger one is a little wierd, like, he's obsessed with saints and keeps having visions of them. It's great so far, although I've seen the first half 5 times and haven't seen the end yet (ah, teaching).
Anyway, at one point, Saint Peter shows up and says the miracle of the loaves and fishes wasn't for real. What happened instead, he says, is that as they passed the plate around, each person only pretended to take some fish and bread, and got their own food out of their pockets instead and started sharing. That was the real miracle, that people shared their own food with others.

Anyway, about the third time I watched this scene, I thought, you know, this is a little blasphemous. It's still a nice story, and really well-intentioned and I personally? Well I have no problem with blasphemy. But it struck me as having parallels with Rushdie's The Satanic Verses. See, if you haven't read it, there is plenty of stuff in there that could have freaked people out, but apparently what really did it, what caused the fatwa to be put on Rushdie, was the re-telling of the Muhammad stuff. In the book, it's not even that different than the story as told in the Qu'ran, it's just that there's REALLY no room for personal spins on the story in Islam. Anyway, I was just thinking that it's probably a good thing that the Catholics don't issue fatwas, or there'd really be a hell of a lot of people in hiding, probably including me.

P.S. If you thought the bad poetry was bad the other day, go back to the page and search under my last name. Apparently I have two distant fourth cousins twice removed who are real schlock artists.

Does my evil know no bounds?

I searched the poetry web site just to see if that student's poem had already been posted to the web. It has. Go to that link, search for first name K A Y L A, last name C R A I G (Not with the spaces, obviously, I just don't want her to be able to Google this). Hers is called eforeBay Iay AyLay Ownday. Pig Latin rules.

Antiques, Poetry contests, Foot-in-mouth disease

First, I keep forgetting to mention that at the antiques fair Mom and I went to a couple weeks ago, the funniest things they had were antique "rectal dilators," basically butt plugs for medical uses. There were about four. I have no use for something like that, but I bet somebody is scanning ebay for that kind of thing right now.


I had to spend about half my day today trying to dissuade one of my students from paying the $25 "author bio" fee and $50 book fee to get a copy of a poetry anthology that her poem was being published in, as she was a "semi-finalist!" I've read a lot about those things on the web, so I know perfectly well it's a scam, but had a really hard time convincing her, and when I finally did, she was sure they could be sued for misrepresenting their business. Probably not. In the meantime, entertain yourself with some of the other poems that were considered good enough to be semi-finalists. One of my favorites is below, and there are a bunch more at this web site.


Nicky Nacky Noo

Tum tum tum de tum
This is apoem I sings a lot
to make me very vary hapy.
I fink it will look good on a poster two.
and a cofey mug to shows my frineds
at work so they no i am an internashunal
poet who mite even winz a prise!
Then i wuld be vary famus
and hav lotz of muney
wich wuld be vary funny
coz some of them sayd I was
eliterite wich sucks
(I hopes I can say sucks, if not
please put a defferent word instead.)
and also I just sore the poem
has to be 20 lines long so
I am counting the lynes again.
This is line nienteen
and this in number twenty. Thanx. The End

-- Stephen Abutlol


And finally . . . I am an idiot. I'm talking to a co-worker's wife at the staff party Friday, and find out that she lives kind of near me. She's six months pregnant, and very sweet (if, frankly, a little simple), and as soon as she tells me her cross streets, I bust out with "Oh, I know right where that is. That's close to where that shooting was. Oh, yeah, there's been all kind of stuff going on around there. I just read that the Stop and Shop on the corner was robbed, and then there was the pipe bomb that got thrown through that guy's window just a couple days ago!"

Yeah, as I'm saying it, I'm watching her face drop in shock and horror, watching her hand find her belly and wrap protectively around it. In fact, I kind of have an out-of-body experience, watching myself in slow motion saying all this shit, and I'm silently screaming "Stop, stop!" But I can't, I just keep telling this pregnant woman that she lives in a neighborhood ridden with violent crime. Lovely. What an idiot I am. I'm a jerk.

Busy-ass week update!

Okay, I guess there's not much to report. I've been awfully busy lately, and I'm ready for a break. I'm not quite done with my Christmas shopping, which is giving me hives, but there are a few people I'm just really stumped about. I also still have to do all my baking and stuff. I foresee a Wing Wa trip, a Sam's Club trip, a Trader Joe's trip, a night of wrapping, probably two days of coooking/baking, and at least a day of cleaning (never mind trying to work out and grade my Freshmen's papers and projects) in the next four days or so.

I saw Ocean's 11 and the Bourne Supremacy last week. I actually liked them both. Ocean's 11 had a lot more humor and charisma than I was expecting, and I liked the fact that the heist stuff went by at a very rapid pace, rather than spelling out every little detail of the plan, which would have bored me. The Bourne Supremacy was good, more of the same from the Bourne Identity, basically, which I also liked. I was sad that . . . SPOILER ALERT . . . they killed the Franka Potente character off in the first five minutes, because I really like her, but it was a good motivation for him in the rest of the movie. I'm looking forward to getting my Christmas movies this week, not that I'll have time to watch them, but I've got Millions and Comfort and Joy next in my Netflix queue.

I went to my staff party Friday afternoon/evening. It was nice, a good chance to chat with people I usually only nod at from across the hallways. My mom was kind enough to make me a casserole and some cookies to take, which is probably like cheating on my part, but it worked for me! Thanks, mom! I tried to leave early so Sweetie and I could eat Lebanese food, but there was a debacle. Long story short, a girl from work needed a ride, and two hours later, I was home.

Saturday morning was a tree planting that I somehow got upgraded from volunteer-rounder-upper to project-manager for. It went really quickly though, and we got 60 trees in the ground in two and a half hours. It was cool, and now every time I see those trees in the parking lot, I'll be like "I planted those!" I actually worked my ass off, too, digging most of two holes, pounding in six stakes, removing three trees from their pots, placing two, staking and tying several, and cleaning up the parking lot after. Unbelievably, I didn't hurt myself (well, I jammed my already-twisted ankle a couple times), because I've been on a real roll lately, but I hurt myself today doing absolutely nothing. There was a puddle of water in the garage that I didn't see, I slipped in it, my foot turned upside-down, and now my big toe is all swollen and I may have pulled a leg muscle.

Last night was Sweetie's staff party, which was fun. The hostess has her house painted in colors remarkably similar to the ones in our house. We even have the same dishtowels! I had a nice time getting to talk to Sweetie's co-workers, too, whom I barely said hello to at our reception because I was running around so much. There are a number of them who are around my age and who are all decent conversastionalists. Actually, I had a great time talking to the host, too, about music -- we talked for quite a while, and he lent me a CD. We had a good time all around. And the rumour regarding the deliciousness of the stuffed mushrooms is absolutely substantiated.

Today was quieter. It's my dad's birthday, but he called and begged off our dinner plans in order to stay in his jammies, so I just took him his present. He seemed pleased, I hope he really is. He used to make stained glass -- really beautiful pieces that are all over my home. They're some of my most precious posessions. But he hasn't made any in twenty years. Well, he is closer to retirement now, and has built himself a big workshop at the back of his yard, so I figured it's about time to get him back into the hobby he was so good at. I got him a new glass cutter, a couple pattern books, a breaker thing, and several pieces of glass. He did seem happy. I hope he enjoys it. I don't want it to be like "Happy Birthday, here's an assignment," you know? Okay, that's about it for me.

I have a dream . . . of Stevie Nicks

So I mentioned to a co-worker that I was going to the staff party, and he said "Be careful. Every year, somebody gets a little out of control, and it becomes the talk of the school. They become a total outcast."

I didn't think I went home with his words ringing in my ears, but when I went to sleep, I had a dream that I went to school (not a regular school day, but a meeting or something) dressed in a flowy lace top, a flowing skirt, and a snood (I remember specifically, because I initially put the snood on upside-down and had to fix it). During the meeting, I got really hot (I imagine it's because I probably had a fever last night) and I took off the skirt to wear just the lycra bike shorts underneath. Everyone started looking at me and pointing and whispering, as though they were totally scandalized. I was pulling at the shorts, saying "Look, they're bicycle shorts! It's not like I'm naked! People wear these all the time! Come on, it's hot!"

Whatever.

Don't know why I think I'm funny

I have a kind of abstract sense of humor sometimes. Like, I was thinking the other day it would be funny to do a "Taster's Choice" type commercial (remember the old "We've replaced this man's coffee with Taster's Choice" ones?) as follows:

"We've replaces this man's gooseberry jam with salsa verde. Let's see if he notices."

I also was driving along the other day and saw a road sign that said "Steel plates ahead." I thought it would be funny to steal that sign and hang it outside the VA hospital.

And finally, there's an inflatable Santa on 53rd street that has deflated. Two acrylic deer are grazing next to his body. Whe he was inflated, I'm sure it looked like they were grazing on grass. Now, however, it is a great deal more disturbing. They appear to be eating Santa's corpse.

Just two wierd things

One: For about a week, I've found myself humming, singing, or otherwise mentally entertaining the song "Every Sperm is Sacred" from Monty Python. I couldn't figure out why. But then Sweetie was playing his football game, (which he has been doing since we got back from Eugene) and he scored (yay him) and they played the U of O fight song. And I, standing idly in the kitchen, found myself mindlessly singing "Oregon, my alma mater . . . every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed in your neighborhood." And I realized . . . Sorry babe, but the Oregon fight song and the Monty Python sperm song are now inextricably linked in my head.

Two: You know how there are names for groups of animals, like a pride of lions or a murder of crows? I heard another teacher today refer to having a "clunk of sophomores." It seemed especially fitting.