Sweetie

I know you all tune in here for updates about Z, so here is one quickie before I get to the main part of the post: We were going to Ikea, and Sweetie suggested I might get Z Swedish meatballs. I got her there, put her in a cart, and went in the elevator, where there was a picture of said meatballs. Zadie said (oh, and loudly, and clearly, in front of two other families) "Why is there poop coming in that bowl?" We decided against the meatballs. So, I suspect, did everyone else in the elevator.

So anyway, I just have to tell you how awesome Sweetie is. I mean, he's ALWAYS awesome, but my needs have been sort of piling up lately, and there he is, just meeting them left and right.

I wanted to remove some of the lawn to make it more water-efficient and maybe grow more edibles. He tore out a big strip of lawn (no mean feat -- it's a bitch to tear out that thick thatch). Then the next weekend, he asked if I wanted to do the other side of the driveway, too. I said yes. And then I went to Home Depot and bought compost and wood chips and edging stuff, all while he worked. The next day, I was quite tired, so I took a nap with Z. I had planned to do some of the garden work myself that afternoon, so when I woke up and realized we had slept for 2 1/2 hours, I half-panicked. No need, though -- Sweetie had done all that, too, laying down the weed mat (okay, newspaper), compost, and chips, and even placing my planters and hammering in the edging. Fantastic, right?

Also last weekend, my BFF asked if I could go out to a show. I haven't been out in FOREVER, so I asked Sweetie if he would mind corralling Z during her frequent forays from bed because she needs "something." He was happy to. I got to go out and he stayed home with the Zade-ster.

And finally, I got asked to do a poetry reading last night. I was a little nervous and wanted some support, but I also didn't want to keep Zadie out too late and I knew a poetry reading wasn't really toddler-friendly. He wanted to go, but I thought it would be best if he stayed home with her again and put her to bed. But at the last minute, I changed my mind. Not only did he go, he didn't even get to hear all of my reading because he had to shuttle Z out the door and sit outdoors while I read. Then he sat outside with Z again while I listened to the last reader.

I just wanted to express to the world: I know how lucky I am to have not just a handsome hunka hunka burnin' love, but also a really supportive partner.

She's a xylophone natural

Monday, Monday

Zadie has already cracked me up twice this morning. First, I offered her some strawberries with breakfast, and she said "Oh, no thank you. It was polite of you to ask me, though."

A few minutes later, she asked "What makes you happy?" I answered honestly, starting with "You, and Daddy, and good food, and exercise, and our house..." She started adding in things like "Going on walks, and going to the park, and playing and running..." I picked it back up; "And having a clean house, and cooking..." and she said "I was going to say cooking!! I was going to say it right before you started saying it!' "Okay, cool." I said. "Aaandd coooking..." she interjected.

Of course, then she asked to watch yoga on the TV, and I turned on the "wrong" yoga, which made her cry.

What I didn't do...

I'm sure I'll think of more, but here are a few.

I have wanted to go back to Tortugas for a sandwich ever since the first time I went, about three years ago. Never made it.

I want to try the new Japanese bakery down on Freeport. I keep thinking that I'll go next time I go to Oto's, but every time we need something, I just go to Asian Food Center instead.

When Sweetie and I were dating, he used to sometimes take Friday afternoons off in the summer, and we'd go to the beach together. I thought we would do that, or at least that I'd take Z, but I never did. So many excuses... too close to naptime, such a long walk across the hot sand to Paradise Beach, so many homeless people camped on the river, such an adventurous girl to watch out for on the river... But still, I didn't take her to the river at all, not even once.

Rafting. Sweetie and I have tried to go rafting almost every year on Cache Creek. This year it just didn't happen. Bummer.

Eppie's Great Race -- I thought I'd get ready to compete in the kayaking leg of the race. I even recruited some friends to do the running and biking. But I never did take another kayaking clinic. It was a lot of money, plus yet more time away from Z.

Harbin Hot Springs. I thought I'd take Z for an overnight campout to this natural hot springs, but again, time and money ruled the day.

ArtBeast. I actually paid for a year-long subscription, and we haven't gone even once! I was so focused on going to the gym that our time to hang out there was limited. The few times I did ask her if she wanted to go, she preferred to go to the park or the train museum. I assume Mom will get more use out of the subscription when I go back to school and the weather isn't so park-friendly.

Make produce bags. I had a great idea for making produce bags out of old fabric, screenprinting them, and giving them out to friends. It could still happen, but not this summer.

Calling a carpenter to replace my cutting board. When we moved in (4 years ago!!), it was in terrible shape, and now it's just a disaster. I need someone who'd be willing to do such a small job, but I haven't made a single phone call.

I thought I might take Z to either Angel Island or the Marin Headlands to hike around and have a picnic. Nope.

Make our mommy-daughter dresses. Laugh if you will, but earlier this summer, Monkeygirl suggested that it would be cute if Z and I had matching dresses. At first, I thought it was way too twee, but then I remembered that my mom and I had several matching outfits when I was growing up, and I LOVED them. In fact, I used to insist that we wear them. Maybe Z would like it, too. I went to the trouble of buying the patterns, fabric, and notions, but I haven't felt like getting started. It's a very summery dress pattern, so if I don't make it soon, we won't get to wear them until next year.

Okay, that's about it, I guess. As you know from reading the blog, I did do lots and lots of stuff -- fun stuff, useful stuff, interesting stuff, mundane stuff, healthy stuff -- so I'm not complaining that summer is over. Just sort of thoughtfully considering what I was sure I would do but didn't do.

Doing the math

At the store:
4 jars marinara sauce ~ $12
3 quarts tomatoes ~ $6
16 jelly jars plus 1 quart jar tomato jam ~ $70 (I don't know why, but it's like $4 a jar)

Total cost, $88.

My costs:
Tomatoes =$8.40
Lids = $2.99
Jars = $10.50 (got the jelly jars on sale and the quart jars were from a friend)

Total cost, ~$23.

Sure, you could throw in my time (about 5 hours today from start to finish), my labor (I picked the tomatoes instead of buying them from the store), or even the gas money to drive down to Freeport. I used some onions, sugar, cider vinegar, and garlic that I had previously purchased. You could also add the electricity we used on the stove all day. But I still don't think it would come close.

Plus, when we open up that marinara in the middle of winter, we're going to have locally-grown, homemade, BPA-free sauce that will taste just like summer. Whee!

A day in the life

Woke up... fell out of bed... dragged a comb across my head.

Just kidding. Today's not my last day of vacation, but I have to be at work all week next week, and I am sure I'll spend a lot of time on work the next week as well, so summer is effectively done for. Coming soon: a post on all the things I wanted to do and didn't. But for today, here are some pictures.

5:30am: Hit the gym.

6:30am: Home to the coffee Sweetie made me.

7:00am: Z wakes up.

I check on the garden...

Grab some onions...

And start a Crock-Pot of refried beans.

7:15: Sweetie says goodbye.

7:15 to 9:15: Eat breakfast.

Water the garden and lawn.

Give my new terra cotta planter pots a coat of clear gloss.

(I painted them to match the benches out front.)

What a mess!

Whew! That's better.

10:00: We got dressed.

Then we drove a little way down the Sacramento Delta.

To a you-pick farm.

Where we got 20 lbs of tomatoes for $8.

They had big melons.

The girl working there was really nice. She gave us three melons free, just to try. She also gave Zadie a cold slice of yellow watermelon.

11:00am: Next, we went to Capitol Nursery.

Next door to that is Collected Works, a gift shop with a kids' area.

11:45: Lunch at Dad's Kitchen (I had a coupon).

It was super-fantastic, and I want to go back and try four other things. Plus, I saw things that I know my husband, Grandma, Boompah, and probably Mom would like.

We also played a little Skee-ball.

Next door to that was a second-hand kids' shop, where this dress was $8.99.

1:15

I watched most of Julie and Julia on Netflix.

4:30pm: Sweetie suggested we go to dinner, so I put those beans in a tupperware and got cute! Yes, that's a potty seat. One must accessorize.

6:00pm: We played briefly outside, including in the sprinkler.

7:30: And then it was time for a bath and bed.

Hope you enjoyed our day. I did.

Zadie's a goof.

Today we went to breakfast at a place called Orphan. I asked Zadie what she was going to have, and she said, "Eggs. I'm going to eat Orphan eggs at Orphan, and I'm going to eat them, with not bacon." "You don't want bacon?" I asked. "No, I DO want bacon. I want it on my plate, right here, and I'm going to EAT IT."

Also today, she asked me "Does Mina poop in the litter box?" I affirmed, and she said "Does she do this?" Then she made little fists, squatted down, and grunted loud and long, making a squeezed-up poop face. "Yeah," I said, "something like that."

Finally, we were playing some game where she would pretend to take a ring off my finger, then I'd pretend to take it off hers and put it back on, and so on and so forth. Sometimes she'd say "I put it on tight!" so I'd struggle to get it off or whatever. But then suddenly the tone changed, and she took my cheeks in her hands, got about two inches away from me, lowered her voice and said "Are you listening to my words? Do. Not. Take. Off. My. Ring."

Also, I've posted a few things on Facebook that you've missed. If they're repeats for you, sorry.

Reza has a little bust of the mouth of Sauron on his shelf. Zadie points at it and goes "Does that guy like crackers?"

(Here's what the bust looks like. )

An hour after I put her to bed, Z calls out "Mama, my belly's starting to rumble. Can I have some lemonade? On a tray? With a candle on it? And a sandwich underneath?"

Watching the On-Demand dance videos again. Zadie says "I did not ever do this before with my booty dropping."

The damned phone

Sweetie almost never answers the house phone. I do if I'm not trying to take a nap or holding the baby while she takes a nap or cooking something that needs attention. But lately, every goddamn time I rush to the phone, it is a hang-up. So, dear friends and loved ones, call my cell. I check the house phone messages once a month if I'm lucky, and I have finally turned the ringer off completely. Perhaps this will help to explain why.*

Who is calling, by percent of total calls:

*Or perhaps I have too much time on my hands.

Fun days and sucky days

This week has been pretty fun, with one big exception. Monday. Ugh.

Yeah, so we are enrolling Z in pre-school, and they need a bunch of stuff, including TB tests for both of us. I actually think I have a current one, but I just decided I'd get another, too. After we ate breakfast, we drove to the doctor's office. I meant to drive to Zadie's doctor, but I spaced out and drove to mine. Well, we didn't have to wait too long, and while we waited, Zadie charmed the pants off a whole waiting room full of people. Then I got to talk Zadie through me getting my little skin pop, so I figured that was actually a happy accident. We bought her some gummy vitamins in the pharmacy there, then drove to her doctor's office.

We checked in and went to the waiting room, where she made friends with a little boy who then got called in. So she played with the maze thing, then made friends with a little girl who then got called in. And then she made friends with two sisters who then got called in. And then she stared at a baby who got called in. Are you sensing a pattern? So was I. She was getting hungry and I hadn't brought a snack. I hadn't even brought anything in to read or play with. I don't know how much time had elapsed, but I am pretty sure it was close to 90 minutes before I finally went back to the registration area and asked, very politely, what was up. They said I was in the wrong waiting room, and that the injection waiting room was down the hall, three doors down on the left. I thoughtfully wondered why they hadn't mentioned that 90 minutes ago, then got over it.

What?! Are you kidding me?! I was fucking furious! I didn't unleash on them, but I did gather our stuff and walk out of the room muttering "It would have been NICE if someone would have MENTIONED that when I checked in 90 MINUTES AGO. That would have been GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE." And then I shot a really mean, ugly face at the receptionist who hadn't told me. As it happened, I was obscured by a bush and she was looking the other way, which was exactly how I wanted it, but then I was sort of on the move and she sort of looked over and I hit her with the look full force.

We went down to the waiting room (which was actually kind of a good thing, because it is full of toys and has big windows, so Zadie always asks to go in there), and I tried the door on one side. It wasn't labeled, but there was a chick behind a desk. The door was locked, so I knocked. I didn't want to be an asshole, but my thought was that they probably called her name, oh, 85 minutes ago, and had given up on us. But that door was some other office. I went to the opposite door, and it was locked, too. There was a small sign saying, essentially, don't knock on this door. So I waited until it opened, held it open with my foot, and stood in the doorway until someone paid attention to me. When she did, I started with "Hi, I wouldn't normally do this, but we were waiting in the wrong room..." and the nurse interrupted with "Ah, yes! We were just talking about you." I, uh, guess the mean look recipient called ahead. Anyway, Zadie was a total trooper and didn't cry or anything.

We went to Cafe Bernardo as a reward for such a sucky morning, and she demolished a plate of Thai noodle salad.

Tuesday was much better -- we went to the gym, then to Bounce Town. She loves Bounce Town, and we had the place to ourselves for stretches of time. When there were other kids there at all, there were only a few, and at one point Z had a girl crush on one girl, so she kept running around after her. I don't think the other girl even realized Zadie existed, but Z breathlessly, happily announced "We're playing chase!" She told me that the big slide was scary, but I taught her to climb the little ladders (she whispered "foot, foot, handle" just as I had), and later on I gave her a piggyback ride up to the top of the tallest ladder. I was a little concerned I might traumatize her, but we got to the bottom and she announced "Whee! That was fun!" I said "It wasn't scary, was it?" She said "No, it's not scary." Yay!

Incidentally, she has a favorite bouncer there -- it's just plain, with one exit slide. I go in it with her and we both bounce. I was in there for about 30 minutes before I got out and saw the sign on the side that showed who wasn't allowed: anyone over 150 lbs, anyone over 60" tall, anyone with a facial piercing or glasses... they might as well have had a picture of me. The facial piercing one had a picture of a nose with a ring in it, and the 150 pounds one was literally a pudgy stick figure with the "no" circle around it.

Today we had a tea party. We invited the kids we went camping with and I set out fruit, sandwich stuff, and I had cookies cut out in shapes with several shakers of sprinkles at the ready. I even had little individual fancy teapots with a few kinds of herbal tea. We started by decorating the cookies, then we moved on to lunch, then the kids played for a while (their dad announced "Okay, only about 5 more minutes of Lord of the Flies"), and then I brought out the warm cookies. They played inside for a while, too, with Barbara and some musical toys. As they got buckled into their car seats, they both yelled "Bye Zadie! Bye Zadie! Bye Zadie!" I told her "Say bye, Zadie!" and she yelled "Bye Zadie." Two-year-old smartass. Either that, or comic genius along the lines of Gracie Allen, right?

Zadie was pretty good, although at one point, after the boy had asked if he could ride her trike, she announced "I changed my mind about Keenan riding my trike!" We had also hidden her Barbara, since she told me before the party that she didn't want to share it. But when the kids came inside, she got it out and let Annelise dress it. I even got her to say "thank you for coming to the tea party." And totally unprompted, when they first showed up, she said "I invited you to my house, Annelise and Keenan." She's such a kick.

We get out TB tests read tomorrow, and we also pick up her shot records. I'll need to photocopy her birth certificate, and then she'll be ready to start school. Whoa, huh?

I haven't mentioned it, because I didn't want to jinx anything, but I think we're more or less potty trained. As I told my dad today, she doesn't really have accidents -- she'll just hold it for like 6 hours. Sometimes you have to cajole her to use the potty, but then she will. She has to be reminded to wipe and needs help washing her hands, but I think that's normal. She also sometimes just goes by herself, of her own volition. She can totally take her underpants down by herself, put her potty seat on the toilet, and climb up on her own. She doesn't even use the stool, which she prefers to use to get into things she's not supposed to touch. She just throws a leg over like she's getting on a horse.

We aren't totally accident-free. In the evenings, she tends to drink more and then pees a lot. I sometimes don't remind her to go frequently enough, so she's had a few accidents here in the evening. But she hasn't had a single accident out in public in the last month (there was one single one, at Jo-Ann's Fabrics), she never goes at the gym, we sometimes run errands for three hours and she never pees her pants. She doesn't even pee in her sleep while she takes her afternoon nap. So she wears "big girl panties" every day now. She even wore them on our whole trip to San Francisco without incident. She still wears a diaper at night, but MAN has it ever cut down on my laundry. I haven't rinsed out a poopy diaper or panty in weeks, and I do not miss it in the least. Wiping a poopy butt is a breeze in comparison.

So there we are! I hope you're all having fun. Sorry for the potty talk. =)

Barbaras* for Boobies

Z: Boobie time for a minute.

Me: Okay, just a minute.

Z: A lot of minutes.

Me: No. You know, I think we're going to stop nursing pretty soon.

Z: Why?

Me: 'Cause it's time.

Z: Can I be a tiny baby?

Me: No, you're a big girl now. But maybe we can think of something that only big girls can have that babies can't. Can you think of anything a big girl might want that a baby can't have?

Z: A Barbara?

Me: Yeah. Would you like a Barbara when you stop nursing?

Z: Yeah!

Me: Do you want to stop right now or do you want to wait a couple weeks?

Z: Wait a couple weeks... until my birthday.

Me: No, your birthday is too far away. How about when Mama starts school again?

Z: Okay.

*Barbaras = Barbies.

Morning person?

I haven't talked much about it here, but I'm determined to get in shape. Since we returned from Oregon, I've been trying to go to the gym every weekday. About a month ago, I added in yoga on Sundays. With only two exceptions, I've worked out six days a week since.

And although the numbers on the scale haven't moved much, I feel good, I feel confident, I feel strong, and I think my body is changing. I also feel more energetic.

I have to go back to work in a couple weeks, and next week I have to spend almost all week in a training. When I started this every-weekday thing, I just assumed that when I went back to work, I would go back to my usual three-day-a-week routine. And that I would go back to going in the evenings. I don't love going in the evenings, because although I feel fine exercising at that time of day, there are often conflicts to my going out. Wednesdays I have to take out the garbage and recycling, sometimes I have to prepare the slow-cooker meal for the next day, I often do my grading, and then there are those nights when I just can't get Z to sleep at a reasonable hour.

But I also realized that I think I would really miss out working out every weekday. I don't want to spend any more time away from Zadie than I have to, so going after work is out. But could I go before work?

I like the coffee mug that says "'Not a morning person' doesn't even begin to cover it." Friends from high school and college would be surprised to learn that I don't consider myself a morning person. I used to always be the first one up at any sleepover, making coffee at 6:30 whether we'd stayed up until 2 or not. And still, I'm fairly chipper and functional in the morning. But in comparison with my Sweetie, who gets up regularly at 5 and does stuff (who knows what kind of stuff -- I'm out like a light!), I am not a morning person. I enjoy sleeping in, although in my current life, sleeping in really late would be sleeping until 7:30. In the winter, especially, I have a hard time peeling myself out of bed when it's dark out.

Still, I decided to run an experiment. My gym opens at 5. I asked Sweetie to wake me at 5:20. I had my gym clothes laid out, and I got up, threw them on, and went to the gym. It was fine. Traffic was non-existent, I got my work-out in, and got home before the baby woke up (although she seemed to sense a disturbance in the force, as she got up at 6:30). I think I could possibly maybe make a 5:30 workout my new routine. Does that make me a morning person? I think it just makes me a person that has to stop staying up late.

Not for the baby book

Z: I pooped!

Me: Okay, good. Are you done?

Z: No, I have another great, big poop to do.

And then a minute later, as I was holding her over the sink to wash her hands, we were being Prince Eric and Ariel from the Little Mermaid. She asked, so innocently, "Why is Prince Eric bending Ariel over?"

The promised picture

IMG_2304
Originally uploaded by countmockula

See, it's nice, huh? I mean, I have a little fat roll and Zadie's making a moderately weird face, but I still like it.

Weekend in SF!

We decided to try to get one family trip in before summer was over. We booked two nights in San Francisco at the Westin St. Francis right across from Union Square.

We left Thursday morning and headed straight into the city without stopping. When we got there, we parked and spent several hours at the California Academy of Sciences. I haven't been since I was a pre-teen, if I remember correctly. They re-did it a few years ago, and I have really wanted to go since then, but we haven't gotten around to it.

We had a great time! We started with the rainforest area, which let you walk up a spiral through several exhibits, and as you get higher, you get to see what the different levels of the rainforest are like. We saw bats, birds, spiders, snakes, butterflies, frogs, reptiles, and several huge carp swimming at the bottom. As you got up to the top, you were really eye-to-eye with some of the birds, and butterflies would wing right past your head! In fact, they had to check you at the elevator doors to make sure butterflies weren't clinging to you. At the end of the rainforest you were sort of shuttled into the aquarium. I love aquariums. I just dig anything neon, bioluminescent, or otherwise disco-looking. Zadie got to touch some things in the tide pool exhibit, and we all liked the part where you were under the tank and could look up.

We stopped in a gift shop and bought a huge snake (an anaconda named Conrad, or Connie for short) and an albino alligator (the Academy is famous for having one, which we saw).

Then we had lunch. The cafe was awesome, and crowded, and incredibly expensive (for most items, anyway). Zadie's spaghetti with marinara, for example, was $10. But the selection was incredible. Sweetie and I got bao (steam buns with mushrooms and veggies in the middle) and a big spring roll. The bao were only $3 each, which was totally reasonable, and the spring roll was $8, which would have qualified as highway robbery if it weren't such a generous portion. But everything was fresh and delicious, so I'm not complaining too much.

Then we saw several more exhibits. I really liked the living roof area, actually, and the sharks and rays (so did Zadie -- you should have heard her yelling "sharks and rays! Sharks and rays!"). I'm not terribly into the big taxidermy exhibits, but there was a lot to learn. We skipped "extreme mammals" because the line was long, and we were too late for the planetarium, but we still got a lot of enjoyment out of our visit.

I know I'm a sucker, but I bought their photo of us, too. It came out really nicely. I'll add it later.

We went to the hotel to check in and have a little rest, and then we went to Pier 39. Yes, it's a tourist trap, and as an adult, I see it more through Sweetie's eyes -- as a bunch of shit peddlers. But I still remember how magical it seemed to me as a kid, so it seems unfair to look at it through only my current view. We saw, after all, street performers, sea lions, a carousel, butterfly magnets, and a bouncer thing (more on that later). We ate at Boudin, which is a big, but not half-bad, chain. We had a light dinner, and Zadie was starting to be a real crabapple, so we high-tailed it out of there. Incidentally, there was a little boy yelling at Zadie, really meanly "No in here! No in here!" She looked really taken aback and didn't know what to do. His parents weren't addressing it at all (we soon found out why), so we told Zadie to say "Please leave me alone." She did so, in a perfectly pleasant manner, and we were proud. Then we got to have a teachable moment, because we realized the boy's parents (and grand-dad) were deaf, so they couldn't hear him. When his older sister tattled, he got an eye-full of sign language, though!

Zadie had really been naughty at dinner, so we took away dessert privileges, but when she chilled out a little, we told her she could pick out a piece of fruit from the fruit stand. She settled on a sandwich bag of cherries, so I took them to the cashier. "Okey-doke, that'll be $13.80," he said. I laughed out loud. "I only even HAVE ten dollars," I said. He offered to take a few out to get the price down to ten, and I agreed. I hate to promise Z something and then not carry through, even if the cherries are worth their weight in gold. But it did gall me. That amount of cherries at the farmer's market would be two bucks.

Oh, that's where we saw the bouncer thing. It was a small version of that bungee jump thing at the fair -- essentially two bungee cords that strap at one end to your harness and another to a tall pole. Then you bounce. It said you had to be 30 pounds, and with her shoes on and belly full, she might have been able to fudge it. But I didn't even ask the price -- I'd bet it was around $25 -- so I just told her she wasn't big enough and that we'd try to do it when she was 3. She told Mom later on the phone, "I wanted to go on the bouncer thing, but I wasn't big enough, and I was very disappointed."

Anyway, then we walked to Ghiradelli Square. There's not really that much to do there if you're not going to buy chocolate or stop at the cupcake shop, but it's a nice walk with lots to see on the way in terms of novelty stores, street performers, and art galleries. Zadie said one of her favorite parts of the whole trip was making a wish in the mermaid fountain there.

The next morning, we got up and walked around a bit until we found a place with a decent-looking breakfast menu. We should have gone elsewhere. Cafe Andree was overpriced and slow, and I think the muffin in my continental breakfast was an Otis Spunkmeyer, carefully unwrapped by the chef de cuisine. Oh well. We left, walked one door down, and saw a place that looked just our speed. Naturally.

We walked all over Chinatown for a while, and Zadie seemed really into it. She was very curious about the roast ducks in the windows, and I can tell that sometime soon, we are going to have some uncomfortable conversations about where our food comes from. She also liked the cheap Chinese shit, and she really wanted a parasol and a cheongsam.

Then we went back to Sutter Street, which is one of our favorite places to shop. First of all, there is the Kariktur store, where Sweetie bought a new Tintin print and drinking glass, and Z got a fairy book. They actually had a ton of books there that I loved, and I took secret pictures of some to add to my Amazon wish list. Shhh.

Next was the Paul Frank store, and we were doing fine looking at shirts and things, until we encountered the Miscommunication Meltdown of 2010. Yeah, so I tried this cute purple hat on Z. She said she liked it, and she was smiling and happy. Sweetie agreed that it was cute. I think we were both thinking we might buy the hat. Sweetie asked her "if we bought this for you, would you wear it?" She said "Nooooooo." Okay, we figured, that was that. We'd get her a shirt -- maybe the Julius butterfly one. I took the hat and went to put it back on the shelf. She grabbed at it and wouldn't let go. I asked nicely, then sternly, then sort of yanked it from her. She FREAKED. We got out of there without buying anything, and she screamed at us for the next ten blocks or so. She had apparently really wanted the hat, and she hadn't meant to say no. (She does sometimes say the wrong thing -- it's like she can't quite sort out what she means.) But by the time she'd screamed at us, said mean words, struck out at me, etc., no one was particularly inclined to buy her anything.

I went to H&M, which I normally love, but it seemed that everything upstairs in the Women's section was in a terrible shade of my-skin-pinky-beige. Which never really works for me. I had looked at a ton of stuff, then waited in line while we bought Z some shoes, and I was tired of shopping and I figured Sweetie was tired of waiting. Of course, then I went downstairs to the juniors section and saw a bunch of stuff I liked. I skipped it, though. Besides being tired, I have more or less promised myself I would stop shopping in the juniors section. I'm 34.

Okay, so, whew! After a snack, we took Z back to the hotel for a nap. When we were all up again, we decided to hit the Haight for some of our other favorite shopping -- namely, Giant Robot and Kid Robot, two stores full of almost nothing but Japanese toys and art prints. I also like to window shop down there, and I saw a place that looked cute called Loyal Army. We found some great stuff there, and Sweetie bought Z an adorable little sweatsuit in yellow with flowers all over it.

Then we headed back to the hotel to leave the car (we had paid for parking there, so we might as well park there!), and walk to dinner. Sweetie was trying to find a Japanese place he had eaten at once before, but we couldn't find it, so we sort of gave up and went into the first sushi joint we saw. We lucked out -- it was called Mikaku, and the owner and her daughter were both really friendly. I had a vegetable roll with asparagus and avocado as well as inari (fried tofu with rice), and we got agedashi tofu for Z. She also ate almost all of two orders of edamame. As appetizers, I got sunomono (cucumber salad, which wasn't very good) and oshinko (pickled veggies, which was good). I tried Zadie's tofu, and it was very good quality. The owner was a kick -- she was giving us lots of advice on how we needed to hvae another kid, and how it would mellow Zadie out because she'd be more responsible. After our lovely dinner, we headed back for bed.

This morning we went to the Ferry building. Last time we went, it was a Sunday and the place was deserted. This morning, they ought to have had the riot police at the ready. There was a line about a block long for coffee, and I saw so many people with video cameras it could have been a flash mob or performance art movement. I'm serious -- there were three people in the tiny Cowgirl Creamery booth alone taking long panning shots of cheese. We tried the Mt. Tam triple cream (which ABSOLUTELY lives up to all the good press it has gotten) and some Acme bread, and skipped the long coffee line (for Blue Bottle Coffee, I think it was) and went to Peet's.

We didn't stay too long, but headed off to Monkeygirl's new place in the Tenderknob (I just had to throw that in, since I think it's a damn funny name -- it's between the Tenderloin and Nob Hill). She took us to the Mission, which had so many cool shops I can't believe we hadn't been out there! We went into two very cool stationery shops (where I blew a wad on notecards and wrapping paper), a curiosity shop for kids which had fantastic toys (including the Sunprint paper I'm in love with, and a lot of the Green Toys), and a curiosity shop for adults with fossils, odd taxidermies (mice in fancy dress gowns, a goose with an alligator head), carnivorous plants, old compasses... suffice to say, it was really cool.

Finally, we headed back out, but as it was past lunchtime, we decided to stop in Berkeley. Neither Sweetie nor I was terribly hungry, and Zadie was asleep, so we probably could have just headed back home, but a Saturn Cafe has just opened in Berkeley! This is the wacky vegetarian diner that we love so much in Santa Cruz, except it's brand-new, and therefore not dirty at all. I had a "Space Cowboy" (perhaps its old name, the Western Fakin' Cheeseburger, is more descriptive) and we split a starter with jalapeno poppers, fries, chips and salsa, and beer-battered jalapeno slices. All of which means, of course, that according to my Weight Watchers plan, I cannot eat again until Tuesday. Whatever, it was worth it. By the way, I hadn't had an RC Cola since the Po' Folks restaurant in town closed some 20 years ago. It was surprisingly good.

Here's something crazy: I have a friend I have known since about 1986. We made up a parody of "We are the World" together in summer school. I haven't seen him much since high school, although we were pretty close friends for a few years. Today at Saturn, Zadie turned around to talk to a little girl in the booth behind us. She asked the girl's name, and I thought she said "Christina." A few minutes later, she asked again (like her mama, she can't remember names). I said "Honey, you know -- it's Christina." The girl said "No, Lucina." I had just a moment's thought, and then I turned around to look at her parents. Yep, there was my old friend -- Lucina's dad, David.

We didn't take too many pictures, but here are a few.

Mommy and Zadie in the Academy of Sciences.

At Saturn.

Zadie says "Why am I wearing a boa?"

Saturn Cafe is known for wacky theme tables. I ate off Lady Gaga's face.

Zadie loved this train rocker at the curiosity shop.

She did not love this indricotherium.

Oh yeah, and...

The Paris week totally stuck, because today we got another book about Paris that had been backordered at Amazon. I was doing something, so Zadie flipped through it on her own, and soon I heard her say "That's the Eiffel Tower!" I peered over, and she was right.

Hummingbird

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Originally uploaded by countmockula

I've been thinking for months about getting a hummingbird feeder, and the other night at the hardware store, I saw one for less than $2. We filled it, hung it, and waited. They found it!

We can see it from the living room and the kitchen. Kind of awesome.

That actually almost worked.

Zadie frequently gets up out of bed because she "needs" things. The light, some water, her Boo-Boo Bunny, to go to the bathroom...

Tonight she got up, wandered out to the living room holding a pumice stone and brush from my foot bath and said "I want to give you a foot massage."

Au revoir, Paris!

Well, we had a few more Paris-themed activities, but today marks the end of our Paris week. On Thursday, I made ratatouille.

I even did the Frenchy-French mise-en-place to make it.

Yesterday we looked at Google street view and saw the Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame cathedral, the Musee d'Orsay, and the hotel where Grandma and Boompah will stay. We also just virtually walked around Paris a bit. It's pretty cool to be able to click on individual sculptures and see different views and close-ups and whatnot.

Today we had a French picnic! Okay, well we had a baguette, two French cheeses, and a bunch of fruits and cherry tomatoes. Then we had some French cookies I'd bought at Cost Plus.

And finally, tonight, I made spinach-feta crepes, which we ate by candlelight. I even put a fancy table runner on the table.

We read Madeline and Eloise a couple more times, and we listened to just a little French music (it wasn't my favorite). We also took a journey through Paris with Barnaby Bear.

I think it was fun, although I know her retention won't be terribly great. Still, I think she learned a few things: last night when we said good night to the neighbors, she said "a bientot!"

Slow on the uptake.

As usual...

We have been having a couple rotten days. Enough so that I'm kind of thinking work sounds like fun. And I may have even voiced a couple "I just don't know what's wrong with her" kind of thoughts. And then I thought of her teeth -- I looked at them the other day and saw that the upper molars had mostly come in (one was about half-way through) and the lower ones looked like they were on their way. And I thought -- she ALWAYS acts mean and cranky when her teeth are coming in. In fact, since she doesn't know any swears (by some grace I do not understand), when she hurts herself, she yells "go away!" -- the meanest words she does know. So this whole thing was probably teeth-related.

She was in a time-out when I had this realization, so I used the time to grab some Children's Tylenol, and when I went in to talk to her, I asked her if her teeth were hurting. She said yes. I asked whether it was in the front or in the back. She answered that it was in the back. Now, I know it was a 50/50 shot, but that was the right answer. I gave her some Tylenol and a cold drink and a hug, and we went on an errand.

We bought strawberry cake mix (her choice) and cream cheese frosting and multi-colored jimmies and pink wrappers, and she helped mix the batter, she put the wrappers in the muffin tins, she licked the batter, and she sprinkled on the jimmies. And then we ate them. And it was a better evening, although by no means drama-free.

Does it count if you discover patience and love and wisdom after being kind of a bitch first?

Baked, but not yet frosted.

Frosted, but not yet jimmied.

There they are in all their glory. We shared some with the neighbors, and I warned one that they were so pink they might un-man him.

Z says: "I like the frosting."

Oh, oh, OOOOHHHHH!!!

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Originally uploaded by countmockula

I know that only someone who had been subjected to my daughter's mean screaming fits could look at this lovely photo and think of Sam Kinison. But... am I right?

Bad momming, body image, and yikes!

I'll try to keep it brief.

Zadie has really been enjoying going to the gym. Until last week, when she got scared by the TV. Now she fusses about going there, even though once she gets in, she has so much fun she doesn't want to leave. We've been negotiating a bit. Some days, if she really doesn't want to go, we don't. I think that's fair -- I'm only home for a few months, and it feels a little selfish to drop her off with strangers for 40 minutes every day to do something just for me. On the other hand, it's not that bad to want to do something just for me, either, is it? Anyway, yesterday she didn't want to go, so we didn't, but today I really, really wanted to go. I decided we were going, and I explained that sometimes we do stuff for her and sometimes we do stuff for me. I tried to get her dressed and she threw a hissyfit of Mel Gibson proportions. She turned beet red, cried, and got so upset that I changed my mind. I was worried she was going to have an aneurysm or something, and it was in the back of my mind that for her to be so upset, perhaps something awful had been happening to her at the gym. In fact, I asked. (She said no.) I gave up on the gym, but then I was upset. I gave her half-hearted attention for a while, then decided we would do something different: we played around in the garden, then watched old videos of her and I read aloud my letters to her from when she was a baby. And we had a cookie. It helped.

But then I was thinking... what if she played me? What if I just sent a message along the lines of "if you throw a big enough fit, you will get your way?" I mean, I do want to be a kind, loving parent who respects her kid's needs. But I also want to be an authority figure, and I want her to know that sometimes she just has to do shit because I say so. Did I give that away today?

Okay, new topic. Have I mentioned that I've been going to the gym 5-6 days a week? Yeah, I really, really don't want to look like this anymore:

I've already dropped a few dress sizes since that photo, but it has become part of my permanent image of myself. And this months-long weight loss plateau isn't helping. It's so much about weight loss that it's not even much about well-being. Like, the other day, I went to yoga, and I really enjoyed it and it made me feel strong and powerful, but it didn't burn calories, and that's what I need.

Okay, one last thing. A guy from the Sacramento Poetry Center invited me to read at the end of August and OHMYGOD, I'm terrified. Not because I'm scared of reading in front of people -- I've done a pretty fair number of readings, and as a high school teacher, it'd be pretty stupid to have a fear of public speaking. No, I'm scared because I haven't written anything in FOREVER. I mean, unless you count the haikus about people's mullets and dolphin tattoos that I write during training seminars. You probably don't.