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Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Santa Cruz trip!
Perfect weather: a little cold, but it only rained at night, so we enjoyed clear skies. We started with some shopping on Pacific, and we had dinner at a place called Malabar. It was sort of Indian fusion, and I had lovely stuffed peppers. Zadie's dish was noodles, and when an older woman came to check on us, Zadie complained that it was spicy. We tried vehemently to assure her that it was fine, but she was back in about two minutes with some plain noodles, so that was really nice. Z and I went in the hot tub before bed. It was a rotten night's sleep, as Z woke up at 1 and didn't go back to sleep until some time after 3:30.
Friday, I took Z to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast while Sweetie showered. We had vouchers, because I booked the hotel through Travelzoo. It was called Hotel Paradox, and we have actually stayed there before, but when it was a crappy place. It's since been bought and re-done, and it's beautiful. We really liked it. The theme is sort of nature-meets-modern, so there's a lot of white, but the big front desk is a giant log, and there are little plaster squirrels everywhere. The restaurant was lovely, too -- more on that later.
Then we went to Cafe Brasil, where Sweetie and I had gallo pinto, which is eggs, a rice pilaf with black beans, tortillas, fried plantains, and a vinegary sauce called lizano. YUM! We were just in time to get to Seymour Marine Research Center, which is a small aquarium we've been to before. We took the tour, which is free, and we got to see the dolphins getting their teeth brushed. Next on the docket was our favorite beach, Natural Bridges. I sat and looked at the ocean a lot while Sweetie and Z made a canal through a little sand island, got soaking wet and cold, and made sand castles. So it was back to the hotel for dry clothes, a more focused shopping excursion that included Bookshop Santa Cruz (one of my favorite bookstores on earth, though I can't explain why), and dinner at Saturn Cafe. I had gotten us some cookies at Pacific Cookie Company, so we had those for dessert and all three of us played in the hot tub for a while before bed.
Sunday morning we had a lighter breakfast -- pastries and coffee at Verve. Then, because we couldn't quite decide what to do, I just started driving down the Coast Highway. I thought I'd go all the way to the Pigeon Point Lighthouse (and the beach nearby that is excellent for finding seaglass and exploring tidepools), but instead, we pulled into Ano Nuevo. There used to be a lighthouse there, but it also used to be Ano Nuevo Point, not Island -- so you can imagine how much the sea has eroded there over the years. My favorite display is of part of the burned hull of a ship: it had crashed, and they burned it so it didn't look so bad to have a shipwreck in front of the lighthouse! They were doing a walking tour and a seal census, but we decided just to lone-wolf it. Sweetie was a little disappointed that we couldn't go into the protected area where the tour was going to see the elephant seals, but I didn't know that until later. We looked around the visitor center, bought a long-tailed weasel toy, and browsed the books and things (my favorite was a scat-identification guide which asked, on each page, "Who shat that?"). Then we took a couple long walking loops. It was muddy, but not awful. We certainly did see a lot of scat, actually, as well as some unidentified intestines that were no longer attached to anybody. We made it to the end of the walking loop and decided to take one more walk. I stopped to pee and said I'd catch up. When I did, they were at the end of the path by a beach. Zadie was refusing to go further, and Sweetie was splashing a little in the tide. As I walked up, another guy walking from the other direction approached Sweetie, spoke briefly, and pointed. I tried to follow, but couldn't see. Shortly, Sweetie walked back up and told me there was an elephant seal right there on the beach! I got a little closer so I could see, and sure enough, he raised his head and looked around, then went back to napping. Zadie was NOT PLEASED with this sequence of events, and we couldn't convince her to go look. I think she believes they eat kids or something. Oh well. It was cool for us!
We stopped at Donelly chocolates, where Sweetie bought me some of their amazing treats (my favorite is the ginger chocolate -- I got two of those). Then we went to the falafel place for a late lunch, then back to the hotel. Sweetie gave me some time to shop without the Z-ster, so I got a few items of clothing, and then he gave me even MORE time to go do a wine tasting at Bonny Doon. She had been a bit of a pill, but I don't look a gift horse in the mouth! I didn't ask questions; I just went! It was lovely, too. I ended up buying three bottles, one of which is a sparkling Albarinho that maybe I'll open for NYE.
For dinner, we really couldn't decide, so we opted to try the hotel restaurant. I'm glad we did! Zadie said her vegetable soup was the best, and I loved my risotto with artichoke hearts. We also had good service. Heck, I think when they get a liquor license, that place is going to be hard to get into. It was called Cafe Solaire.
This morning we went to Cafe Brasil again. I can't believe that for such a small town, Santa Cruz has two Brazilian breakfast joints and Sacramento doesn't have even one. We popped into New Leaf market for some road snacks, then made our last stop: Natural Bridges. The tide was pretty high, and their canal and the island were gone. Zadie often expresses fear of the ocean, and today she didn't want anything to do with the water's edge either, but I finally walked her over and promised I'd keep her safe. We were within a few feet of where the foam was washing up the beach, while little sandpipers followed it out, looking for food. I told her that I loved watching the waves break, and I liked when they crashed on the rocks and the white foam crashed high in the air. Just then, a big one did just that, and Zadie agreed that she liked that. Baby steps.
And that was pretty much our trip, with one exception. We stopped in Walnut Creek for water, gas, and a bathroom. I put the gas nozzle in, and Z had gotten out of the car with me so she could go to the bathroom. Sweetie pointed towards the kiosk thing, and I was looking over there when a spray of liquid filled my vision. Zadie had taken the nozzle out of the car, and gasoline was spraying all over! The three of us all got some on our clothing, and Z got sprayed in the eye (we washed it out). The car smelled AWFUL, so I kept the air vents open so we didn't end up with brain damage or something. But that was exciting.
I didn't get a picture of it, but it was pretty much like this;
Maybe without the explosion.
GIFSoup
Friday, I took Z to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast while Sweetie showered. We had vouchers, because I booked the hotel through Travelzoo. It was called Hotel Paradox, and we have actually stayed there before, but when it was a crappy place. It's since been bought and re-done, and it's beautiful. We really liked it. The theme is sort of nature-meets-modern, so there's a lot of white, but the big front desk is a giant log, and there are little plaster squirrels everywhere. The restaurant was lovely, too -- more on that later.
Then we went to Cafe Brasil, where Sweetie and I had gallo pinto, which is eggs, a rice pilaf with black beans, tortillas, fried plantains, and a vinegary sauce called lizano. YUM! We were just in time to get to Seymour Marine Research Center, which is a small aquarium we've been to before. We took the tour, which is free, and we got to see the dolphins getting their teeth brushed. Next on the docket was our favorite beach, Natural Bridges. I sat and looked at the ocean a lot while Sweetie and Z made a canal through a little sand island, got soaking wet and cold, and made sand castles. So it was back to the hotel for dry clothes, a more focused shopping excursion that included Bookshop Santa Cruz (one of my favorite bookstores on earth, though I can't explain why), and dinner at Saturn Cafe. I had gotten us some cookies at Pacific Cookie Company, so we had those for dessert and all three of us played in the hot tub for a while before bed.
Sunday morning we had a lighter breakfast -- pastries and coffee at Verve. Then, because we couldn't quite decide what to do, I just started driving down the Coast Highway. I thought I'd go all the way to the Pigeon Point Lighthouse (and the beach nearby that is excellent for finding seaglass and exploring tidepools), but instead, we pulled into Ano Nuevo. There used to be a lighthouse there, but it also used to be Ano Nuevo Point, not Island -- so you can imagine how much the sea has eroded there over the years. My favorite display is of part of the burned hull of a ship: it had crashed, and they burned it so it didn't look so bad to have a shipwreck in front of the lighthouse! They were doing a walking tour and a seal census, but we decided just to lone-wolf it. Sweetie was a little disappointed that we couldn't go into the protected area where the tour was going to see the elephant seals, but I didn't know that until later. We looked around the visitor center, bought a long-tailed weasel toy, and browsed the books and things (my favorite was a scat-identification guide which asked, on each page, "Who shat that?"). Then we took a couple long walking loops. It was muddy, but not awful. We certainly did see a lot of scat, actually, as well as some unidentified intestines that were no longer attached to anybody. We made it to the end of the walking loop and decided to take one more walk. I stopped to pee and said I'd catch up. When I did, they were at the end of the path by a beach. Zadie was refusing to go further, and Sweetie was splashing a little in the tide. As I walked up, another guy walking from the other direction approached Sweetie, spoke briefly, and pointed. I tried to follow, but couldn't see. Shortly, Sweetie walked back up and told me there was an elephant seal right there on the beach! I got a little closer so I could see, and sure enough, he raised his head and looked around, then went back to napping. Zadie was NOT PLEASED with this sequence of events, and we couldn't convince her to go look. I think she believes they eat kids or something. Oh well. It was cool for us!
We stopped at Donelly chocolates, where Sweetie bought me some of their amazing treats (my favorite is the ginger chocolate -- I got two of those). Then we went to the falafel place for a late lunch, then back to the hotel. Sweetie gave me some time to shop without the Z-ster, so I got a few items of clothing, and then he gave me even MORE time to go do a wine tasting at Bonny Doon. She had been a bit of a pill, but I don't look a gift horse in the mouth! I didn't ask questions; I just went! It was lovely, too. I ended up buying three bottles, one of which is a sparkling Albarinho that maybe I'll open for NYE.
For dinner, we really couldn't decide, so we opted to try the hotel restaurant. I'm glad we did! Zadie said her vegetable soup was the best, and I loved my risotto with artichoke hearts. We also had good service. Heck, I think when they get a liquor license, that place is going to be hard to get into. It was called Cafe Solaire.
This morning we went to Cafe Brasil again. I can't believe that for such a small town, Santa Cruz has two Brazilian breakfast joints and Sacramento doesn't have even one. We popped into New Leaf market for some road snacks, then made our last stop: Natural Bridges. The tide was pretty high, and their canal and the island were gone. Zadie often expresses fear of the ocean, and today she didn't want anything to do with the water's edge either, but I finally walked her over and promised I'd keep her safe. We were within a few feet of where the foam was washing up the beach, while little sandpipers followed it out, looking for food. I told her that I loved watching the waves break, and I liked when they crashed on the rocks and the white foam crashed high in the air. Just then, a big one did just that, and Zadie agreed that she liked that. Baby steps.
Z at the new candy store, It'sugar. (I know.)
At Seymour.
Seymour again.
The dolphins are named Primo and Puka. I don't know which this is.
Exploring at Natural Bridges.
The little island.
Skulls at Ano Nuevo.
Ano Nuevo.
Elephant seal. We heard he had just lost a bro-fight.
Last morning.
And that was pretty much our trip, with one exception. We stopped in Walnut Creek for water, gas, and a bathroom. I put the gas nozzle in, and Z had gotten out of the car with me so she could go to the bathroom. Sweetie pointed towards the kiosk thing, and I was looking over there when a spray of liquid filled my vision. Zadie had taken the nozzle out of the car, and gasoline was spraying all over! The three of us all got some on our clothing, and Z got sprayed in the eye (we washed it out). The car smelled AWFUL, so I kept the air vents open so we didn't end up with brain damage or something. But that was exciting.
I didn't get a picture of it, but it was pretty much like this;
Maybe without the explosion.
GIFSoup
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
"What hath night to do with sleep?"
--John Milton.
Parenting Zadie is... difficult. I mean, she's always been brilliant and creative and funny and curious and all the things you hope your kid will be. But she's also -- difficult. She's passionate, emotional, mean, kinetic, energetic, and so active. Oh, so active. I have frequently pushed aside the nagging thought that she could be hyperactive, clinically speaking, not hyperbolically. In toddler song-time, twenty kids would sit in their parents' laps, and one would do laps around the Clunie center. In library lap-sit story time, fifteen kids would listen to the story and one would run for the stairs. In baby-signs, toddler Spanish class, ballet, soccer, hip-hop, and pre-school, if you wanted to find my kid, the easiest way would be to look for the blur running away. She would want to do things like ballet, but she just couldn't sit still, so she would wiggle and run and change places and roll around and poke and hug and grab the other kids. It was exhausting.
And the exhaustion has always been exacerbated by the fact that we don't sleep very well in this house. She has had a few two-week phases in her lifetime where she didn't wake up at night, but it was rare. She kicks and turns and throws off the covers and yells "EMM! OH! EMM!" at 1am and 2am and 3 am, and sometimes by 4:30 we'd give up. Getting her to sleep at night often included taking the things away that she had gotten out to play with, reminding her to lie down and close her eyes, reminding her to stop singing and talking to herself, and assuring her that she didn't need another glass of water.
And then we would go places and she'd run for the hills and I'd stop my conversation with some kindly old gentleman so that I could run after her, bags and coats trailing after me, and they would always say with some sympathy, "Well, at least she'll be tired tonight!" And I'd smile my thanks, but it wasn't true. She never was.
We had a soothing bedtime routine, blackout curtains, a white noise machine. And the articles I read for advice always started by assuming we were the Honey Boo Boo family. "Maybe you should consider," they'd helpfully say, "not giving them caffeine in the evening." Oh, gee, maybe I should stop putting Red Bull in her dinner glass. For fuck's sake.
And besides the hyperactivity, she was really just a pain in the ass sometimes. She would hit. She would whine or grunt instead of asking for what she needed. She would say how much she hated everything. She called us names. She spat. She would accuse us of Doing Things Wrong. Again, the articles would advise things like, "Consider talking to your child about how she is feeling. If you use physical punishment, try time-outs." I read books: Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child. Positive Discipline. Positive Discipline for Pre-schoolers.
Finally my mom, who spends nine hours a day with her, said that she thought Zadie wasn't getting enough sleep. I wasn't entirely convinced -- after all, if she was tired, wouldn't she just sleep more? And we had done nearly everything in our power to help her sleep and it hadn't worked.
I tried one more thing. She's afraid of monsters and the dark, so she generally sleeps with a lamp on. I was convinced it was partly to blame for her staying awake when she woke in the night, so we convinced her to try sleeping without the light. We said it would be a seven-day test, and then we could re-evaluate. It would be like SCIENCE. She loves science, so she agreed. We tried it for two nights, and she did get more sleep and was in a bit better mood, but on Friday morning, Mom mentioned the sleep issue again, saying that kids Zadie's age are supposed to get 11 hours a night. Zadie typically got 9 or less.
I emailed the doctor. She recommended all the things we'd already tried, plus one: melatonin. I had run across that suggestion, too, but mostly for autistic kids. And when I looked it up, the first several reports were of that hysterical "ARE PARENTS DRUGGING THEIR KIDS?!" variety. But I found some good scientific articles that said it wasn't really a drug, just a hormone that some people don't make enough of, that there are no side effects, and that all it does is regulate your sleep cycle.
We bought some and tried it Friday night. She NEVER says she's tired. Never. But she did that night. She went to sleep easily and slept all night long, eleven hours. That morning, we went to get my car serviced and waited at a Starbucks. She sat on my lap for nearly the whole 90 minutes without complaining once. Both (the lap snuggles and the pleasant attitude) were unusual. I really enjoyed the snuggles. All the rest of the day she used pleasant speaking tones, she listened, she readily agreed to my suggestions. She even made me lunch. Wait, let me say that again: she made me lunch.
It was such a perfect day that at the end of it, I was a little sad. I know that's hard to explain, but those days are so rare that I thought it was going to be a long time before I saw another. That night, she fell asleep early, while Sweetie was still reading to her. She slept for only 10 1/4 hours, and we had a good day. Not the perfect listener, but she tried hard, was sweet and pleasant, and really seemed like she wanted to do well. If I had to ask her something twice, I might say "Oh darn, I know you can be a listener. Don't you want to be today?" And she would try.
We've had two more days now, and today at Grandma's, she apparently told them she loves them and that they're the best grandparents ever. Mom said she wanted to rest her eyes, so Zadie did several things quietly so as not to disturb her, then covered her with blankets and patted her. I teared up when I heard that, because her usual reaction would be to scream in Mom's ear, jump up and down on the bed, and take a flying leap onto her abdomen. Well, I'm extrapolating based on what she usually does to me and her dad.
The funny thing is, in the evening, she now wants to cuddle and she complains of feeling tired starting at about 6:45. She's so much more calm, body-wise, and so much more gentle and cuddly. One study I read said that kids who are sleep-deprived sometimes make up for the fact that they're so tired by trying to move their bodies constantly. It sounds counter-intuitive, but what do I do when I'm driving and feeling over-tired? Shake my head around, stretch my shoulders, wiggle my jaw... I guess it makes sense.
It's going to sound bad when I say this, but Zadie, for the last four days, has been acting a lot more like a normal child. One who gets a little fussy for a while after lunch, and who gets emotional at bedtime. And she's not any less brilliant and creative. But she's a lot more sweet and loving. Tonight as I kissed her goodnight, she said, "I love you ALL the numbers plus a googolplex plus infinity." And then she conked out.
If we were drugging her to make her change her personality, I would feel bad about it. If we were suppressing some essential part of her character to make our lives easier, this would weigh heavily on my conscience. But the little chick just doesn't make enough melatonin on her own. She needs this naturally-occuring hormone to help her sleep, so we're going to give it to her, just as we'd give her insulin if she didn't make enough of that. And the best part of all of it is that SHE seems a lot happier. It's almost like all the extra hugs and love and sweet words are her way of saying thank you.
Parenting Zadie is... difficult. I mean, she's always been brilliant and creative and funny and curious and all the things you hope your kid will be. But she's also -- difficult. She's passionate, emotional, mean, kinetic, energetic, and so active. Oh, so active. I have frequently pushed aside the nagging thought that she could be hyperactive, clinically speaking, not hyperbolically. In toddler song-time, twenty kids would sit in their parents' laps, and one would do laps around the Clunie center. In library lap-sit story time, fifteen kids would listen to the story and one would run for the stairs. In baby-signs, toddler Spanish class, ballet, soccer, hip-hop, and pre-school, if you wanted to find my kid, the easiest way would be to look for the blur running away. She would want to do things like ballet, but she just couldn't sit still, so she would wiggle and run and change places and roll around and poke and hug and grab the other kids. It was exhausting.
And the exhaustion has always been exacerbated by the fact that we don't sleep very well in this house. She has had a few two-week phases in her lifetime where she didn't wake up at night, but it was rare. She kicks and turns and throws off the covers and yells "EMM! OH! EMM!" at 1am and 2am and 3 am, and sometimes by 4:30 we'd give up. Getting her to sleep at night often included taking the things away that she had gotten out to play with, reminding her to lie down and close her eyes, reminding her to stop singing and talking to herself, and assuring her that she didn't need another glass of water.
And then we would go places and she'd run for the hills and I'd stop my conversation with some kindly old gentleman so that I could run after her, bags and coats trailing after me, and they would always say with some sympathy, "Well, at least she'll be tired tonight!" And I'd smile my thanks, but it wasn't true. She never was.
We had a soothing bedtime routine, blackout curtains, a white noise machine. And the articles I read for advice always started by assuming we were the Honey Boo Boo family. "Maybe you should consider," they'd helpfully say, "not giving them caffeine in the evening." Oh, gee, maybe I should stop putting Red Bull in her dinner glass. For fuck's sake.
And besides the hyperactivity, she was really just a pain in the ass sometimes. She would hit. She would whine or grunt instead of asking for what she needed. She would say how much she hated everything. She called us names. She spat. She would accuse us of Doing Things Wrong. Again, the articles would advise things like, "Consider talking to your child about how she is feeling. If you use physical punishment, try time-outs." I read books: Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child. Positive Discipline. Positive Discipline for Pre-schoolers.
Finally my mom, who spends nine hours a day with her, said that she thought Zadie wasn't getting enough sleep. I wasn't entirely convinced -- after all, if she was tired, wouldn't she just sleep more? And we had done nearly everything in our power to help her sleep and it hadn't worked.
I tried one more thing. She's afraid of monsters and the dark, so she generally sleeps with a lamp on. I was convinced it was partly to blame for her staying awake when she woke in the night, so we convinced her to try sleeping without the light. We said it would be a seven-day test, and then we could re-evaluate. It would be like SCIENCE. She loves science, so she agreed. We tried it for two nights, and she did get more sleep and was in a bit better mood, but on Friday morning, Mom mentioned the sleep issue again, saying that kids Zadie's age are supposed to get 11 hours a night. Zadie typically got 9 or less.
I emailed the doctor. She recommended all the things we'd already tried, plus one: melatonin. I had run across that suggestion, too, but mostly for autistic kids. And when I looked it up, the first several reports were of that hysterical "ARE PARENTS DRUGGING THEIR KIDS?!" variety. But I found some good scientific articles that said it wasn't really a drug, just a hormone that some people don't make enough of, that there are no side effects, and that all it does is regulate your sleep cycle.
We bought some and tried it Friday night. She NEVER says she's tired. Never. But she did that night. She went to sleep easily and slept all night long, eleven hours. That morning, we went to get my car serviced and waited at a Starbucks. She sat on my lap for nearly the whole 90 minutes without complaining once. Both (the lap snuggles and the pleasant attitude) were unusual. I really enjoyed the snuggles. All the rest of the day she used pleasant speaking tones, she listened, she readily agreed to my suggestions. She even made me lunch. Wait, let me say that again: she made me lunch.
It was such a perfect day that at the end of it, I was a little sad. I know that's hard to explain, but those days are so rare that I thought it was going to be a long time before I saw another. That night, she fell asleep early, while Sweetie was still reading to her. She slept for only 10 1/4 hours, and we had a good day. Not the perfect listener, but she tried hard, was sweet and pleasant, and really seemed like she wanted to do well. If I had to ask her something twice, I might say "Oh darn, I know you can be a listener. Don't you want to be today?" And she would try.
We've had two more days now, and today at Grandma's, she apparently told them she loves them and that they're the best grandparents ever. Mom said she wanted to rest her eyes, so Zadie did several things quietly so as not to disturb her, then covered her with blankets and patted her. I teared up when I heard that, because her usual reaction would be to scream in Mom's ear, jump up and down on the bed, and take a flying leap onto her abdomen. Well, I'm extrapolating based on what she usually does to me and her dad.
The funny thing is, in the evening, she now wants to cuddle and she complains of feeling tired starting at about 6:45. She's so much more calm, body-wise, and so much more gentle and cuddly. One study I read said that kids who are sleep-deprived sometimes make up for the fact that they're so tired by trying to move their bodies constantly. It sounds counter-intuitive, but what do I do when I'm driving and feeling over-tired? Shake my head around, stretch my shoulders, wiggle my jaw... I guess it makes sense.
It's going to sound bad when I say this, but Zadie, for the last four days, has been acting a lot more like a normal child. One who gets a little fussy for a while after lunch, and who gets emotional at bedtime. And she's not any less brilliant and creative. But she's a lot more sweet and loving. Tonight as I kissed her goodnight, she said, "I love you ALL the numbers plus a googolplex plus infinity." And then she conked out.
If we were drugging her to make her change her personality, I would feel bad about it. If we were suppressing some essential part of her character to make our lives easier, this would weigh heavily on my conscience. But the little chick just doesn't make enough melatonin on her own. She needs this naturally-occuring hormone to help her sleep, so we're going to give it to her, just as we'd give her insulin if she didn't make enough of that. And the best part of all of it is that SHE seems a lot happier. It's almost like all the extra hugs and love and sweet words are her way of saying thank you.
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