Follow-up on that scary stuff, plus happy stuff!

So, when you get a call from someone who introduces herself as a genetic counselor and tells you that the state of California is ready to pay for pretty much any kind of diagnostic test you want, the actual number of the chance that there's something wrong, 1 in 150, loses some of its meaning.

I was a little nervous going into the ultrasound, and when we checked in, we were a little early, so the genetic counselor had us sit in her office and talked to us about what tests are available, how accurate they are, and why we got the call in the first place.

And while we're not 100% clear out-of-the-woods, that talk was VERY reassuring. See, you have these hormones that they test, and the hormones have a sort of baseline level of 1. They naturally range higher and lower, but that's sort of the middle. A baby with Down's Syndrome would tend to have numbers like .5 and 2.0 or 2.5, and ours were all 1.43, .78, etc. It's just that our blood work fit the sort of general pattern of which ones were high and low. She even drew a bell curve for us with our results wiggling gently along the center line and a typical Down's Syndrome result going off the chart back and forth.

Then we had the actual ultrasound, and the good news from there, which I'll share first even though chronologically it was last, is that they didn't see any of the "soft signs" of Down's Syndrome. In fact, the doctor said the baby looked "marvelous." We still opted to have a blood test that's over 99% accurate, and we'll hear from that in a week or two. But we chose not to have an amnio.

The ultrasound itself was kind of fun! The tech had just barely put the wand thing down when she said, "Oh!" She picked it up again. "Did you guys want to know the sex?" We said yes, and she put the wand right back where it was and pointed. "It's a boy! There it is, right out there."

Then she took a whole lot of pictures. The genetics counselor had moved our appointment so that we could have this more sensitive one done, and she had told me on the phone that even though it was different, we could still get pictures if we told the technician ahead of time. I very seriously intoned that we would definitely like pictures, and the tech (who reminded me of one of Z's pre-school teachers) was like, "Of COURSE we do pictures! Heck, we probably do more for you than they do at the other facility! Who told you that, anyway?" For the record, they did give us a LOT. I think I have three times as many as I had of Z.

Other funny things we saw were his cute little booty, how he likes to keep his hand by his face, and how he had his lower legs crossed in the exact position Sweetie had his in!

It's so hard to tell from the freaky pictures, but I think he has a handsome profile. I mentioned that with Z, they had only been able to get a straight-on shot of her face. I posted that picture on Facebook, and my friend Skye said, "She has lovely orbital cavities!" The tech laughed and said, "Oh yeah, the Skeletor shot! I love that one. Here, I can get that..." So we got a Skeletor shot of him too.

I mentioned that he hasn't been kicking as much as I remember Z doing, and she said sometimes it's because of the placement of the placenta, but mine was in back, so that wasn't it. But as we went on, she noticed that he was moving a lot -- she called him a wiggle worm -- and that although he wasn't making big kicking-type motions, he was constantly moving.

She was trying to get a good look at his brain, and she told us that. He moved his head into my pelvis. She said, "Okay, well, let me have a look at his spine, then... Hey! You see that?! He's rolling away from me. I think he heard me. Stinker." That is so much like Zadie when she was still in utero, although I know it's crazy to say they have little personalities already. She used to dart away from the instrument every time they'd try to get her heartbeat.

Anyway, it was nice to get to see him in there, and to have pretty good reassurance that he won't be affected by Down's Syndrome. Not that I wouldn't love a baby no matter what, but I think this may be easier. Still, no counting chickens! We'll wait for the blood tests to really exhale.

Here's his profile shot. Try to ignore that it kind of looks like a freaky old man with a beard (the beard would be my little guy's shoulders).

18 weeks, the upcoming ultrasound

I'm 18 weeks now, and I feel the baby kicking a few times a day, usually when I'm leaning forward. I think he/she gets cramped. I feel good, though I'm ashamed to admit that all my cravings for healthy foods have disappeared and been replaced with cravings for the offerings of SuperTaco. 

I am in all maternity clothes now, and I look decidedly pregnant, but even today it was mentioned and a few people said, "oh, I didn't know!" Perhaps they think I am just getting terribly fat in the abdomen only. 

People keep asking if we know the sex, and we don't. I honestly don't care, either. I didn't care with Zadie, and this time I am curious, but have very little preference. (A girl would mean sharing a room, which is a benefit, but one of each sounds nice, too.) Our ultrasound, in which we find out, is next week. But the sex is not really high on my list of priorities. See, we got a call that my blood work came back with a slightly elevated risk of Down's Syndrome. Not, like, crazy elevated-- a one in 150 chance, which is the same chance you have just getting pregnant at my age. But it was enough that they called me to reschedule the ultrasound for a different lab and location, whe they can do a very thorough job. At that time, they can either tell us we're in the clear, or do more tests. I have chosen not to have an amniocentesis because of a friend's nightmarish experience, but there's another test that's accurate if the ultrasound indicates further testing is needed.

I'm not terribly worried, but I am looking forward to it being over with. I know Sweetie is worried, but he says no more than normal. I'm glad I'll have him with me there. 

Honestly, the worst case scenario isn't some unknowable thing. It's that we have a child with Down's Syndrome. And while I'm sure that isn't easy, it's not like we wouldn't still have the second child that we've signed on to love. 

Speaking of worry, I sometimes wonder whether Zadie will suffer from the anxiety that seems to plague her Dad's sided of the family. The other day, I said something about taking Christmas pictures with the new baby this year, and she said, "IF there's a new baby. You aren't having pains or anything, are you?" I reassured her. We've told her about our loss last year, and I wonder if that's what made her concerned. It is really hard, sometimes, to figure out the delicate balance of her intelligence and curiosity, our belief in honesty, and her tender, tender age. 

This has been a very serious kind of post, and I didn't mean for it to be. I'm feeling good, if tired, and I like watching my belly pop out and feeling the kicks. This one kicks less often and less hard than Z did -- is that a good sign? Z has been rambunctious forever-- I could use a mellow one! 

Sweetie and I are discussing names. As this is my blog and he hasn't blogged for years (or commented here), I'll tell you without bias that my names are wonderful and he has stubbornly rejected them all, whereas he has only a handful of really terrible ones, which I've politely declined. 

All for now. 

Yours, Mockula