Autism parenting

One of the things about parenting a kid with autism is that it's simply exhausting.*

She doesn't sleep. At least she doesn't sleep much. Lots of people have kids with sleeping issues.
She eats and snacks all day long. You should have seen Tony -- he had a hollow leg! 
She must be told fifteen times to do anything. Ugh, my 8 year old is the same way!
She is reluctant to get ready for school. What's new under the sun? 
She's not that fond of grooming herself. Talk to me when you have a teenage boy!
She has an explosive temper and extreme moodiness. Just wait for puberty, lol!
She gets obsessive about things and can't stop talking about them. Have you seen my kid with his Minecraft? 
She monologues at great length about things others tend not to be interested in. Well I remember you being a real chatterbox, too!She rarely stops moving. Aw, she has a lot of energy. Good for her!

It feels like everyone thinks they understand, because they had a kid with one of the issues I mention. But sometimes things pile up, you know? If you're working on six hours' sleep, have to make two and a half breakfasts (never mind your own and the baby's), asking her to do something and finding that it still isn't done, chasing her around to do it, standing over her to see that it gets done, getting yelled at by her for being a terrible mother, trying to get her to understand that her hair desperately needs to be combed, but you can't get a word in edgewise because she's talking at length about Pokemon, and when you finally grab the comb yourself (if she doesn't yell at you again), she wiggles to the point that you have to put her forehead in a headlock just to get her looking acceptable to go out the door to school, you get a little worn out!

That was sort of a hypothetical scenario. Today's was that she woke up at 2:30 a.m. for the day (you read that right). I asked her at 6:55 to get dressed, and told her I was getting a treat for breakfast -- either McDonald's or Burger King. She asked if she could go with me and I said yes, but she had to be dressed as soon as I was (I had showered, but wasn't dressed). I got my clothes on and she wasn't dressed. I reminded her, and then did my hair, too, to give her a little extra time. But then I said I had to go. She screamed, "WAIT! I'm not ready yet!!" I said I had already told her she needed to be dressed to go, and she had about five seconds left. Then I walked to the front door. She came out, holding her shoes, and said (in a very snotty tone), "HA HA! Youuuu thought I wasn't dressssed!!" I let it go and walked to the car. She was sort of dilly-dallying, so I got to the car, got in, and buckled before she was in. I turned the engine on, which triggers the automatic door locks. She pulled the handle once, found that it was locked (I heard her and unlocked it), and screamed again in rage, pounding on the window (at which point it was already unlocked). She verbally excoriated me all the way down the street, telling me things like "YOU should have waited!" I turned the music on in order not to hear her, and she started screaming, "I hate this song! Turn it off!" Then she sobbed for several minutes, including while I was ordering our McMuffins. And there were still fifteen minutes before Grandma came, filled with her irritating her brother and talking non-stop.

That's a pretty normal morning.

It's not to say that we don't have pleasant times -- she often plays nicely with the neighbor, her ABA therapy has been going well lately, and she sometimes reads quietly in her room for twenty or thirty minutes at a time. But we still have a lot of struggles, too, and a lot of yelling and crying, and it's tiring. Maybe it'd be better if we were all getting a good night's sleep...









*I may have addressed this before, but there is a STRONG contingent online that argues that any kind of complaining/venting about parenting autistic children is nearly abusive in that it tells autistic people that they cause problems for others. While I respect this view, I reject it for myself because A: my kid doesn't and won't read this and B: I think it's unconscionable to silence my voice and my real lived experiences, especially when expressing them may provide others the relief of knowing that they're not alone.

Funny boy, tree, bread

Hey! I am still not quite in the holiday spirit -- it's been a rough season -- but I decided to bust out the Christmas socks anyway.

And then we went on our annual Christmas home tour.

And got a tree. And replaced our old white lights (which I thought were elegant when I bought them, and boring by last year). And made a big-ol' piney centerpiece to hang above the table.

So I am still not quite there, but in a way it is very comforting to go through the motions and provide that joy and wonder for the kids. Lochlan has really taken to Christmas carols, and loves "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Frosty the Snowman" especially. Although he also REALLY loves to shout indecipherably along with the fa-la-las in "Deck the Halls."

Tonight at dinner, Lochie was just charming and sweet and funny. He was giving Grandma the biggest smiles. He's really a bundle of joy.

And for fun, I decided to try to make real sourdough bread to give as Christmas gifts this year (hope no one's gluten-free!) and I used the Tartine recipe for the first time. It was a lot of time and effort, but DAMN they look good! I'm not supposed to cut into them until they're cool, so that'll be tomorrow, but I'm pre-emptively calling it a success.

So that is all going in the jar tonight. It's a good life.