I'm 18 weeks now, and I feel the baby kicking a few times a day, usually when I'm leaning forward. I think he/she gets cramped. I feel good, though I'm ashamed to admit that all my cravings for healthy foods have disappeared and been replaced with cravings for the offerings of SuperTaco.
I am in all maternity clothes now, and I look decidedly pregnant, but even today it was mentioned and a few people said, "oh, I didn't know!" Perhaps they think I am just getting terribly fat in the abdomen only.
People keep asking if we know the sex, and we don't. I honestly don't care, either. I didn't care with Zadie, and this time I am curious, but have very little preference. (A girl would mean sharing a room, which is a benefit, but one of each sounds nice, too.) Our ultrasound, in which we find out, is next week. But the sex is not really high on my list of priorities. See, we got a call that my blood work came back with a slightly elevated risk of Down's Syndrome. Not, like, crazy elevated-- a one in 150 chance, which is the same chance you have just getting pregnant at my age. But it was enough that they called me to reschedule the ultrasound for a different lab and location, whe they can do a very thorough job. At that time, they can either tell us we're in the clear, or do more tests. I have chosen not to have an amniocentesis because of a friend's nightmarish experience, but there's another test that's accurate if the ultrasound indicates further testing is needed.
I'm not terribly worried, but I am looking forward to it being over with. I know Sweetie is worried, but he says no more than normal. I'm glad I'll have him with me there.
Honestly, the worst case scenario isn't some unknowable thing. It's that we have a child with Down's Syndrome. And while I'm sure that isn't easy, it's not like we wouldn't still have the second child that we've signed on to love.
Speaking of worry, I sometimes wonder whether Zadie will suffer from the anxiety that seems to plague her Dad's sided of the family. The other day, I said something about taking Christmas pictures with the new baby this year, and she said, "IF there's a new baby. You aren't having pains or anything, are you?" I reassured her. We've told her about our loss last year, and I wonder if that's what made her concerned. It is really hard, sometimes, to figure out the delicate balance of her intelligence and curiosity, our belief in honesty, and her tender, tender age.
This has been a very serious kind of post, and I didn't mean for it to be. I'm feeling good, if tired, and I like watching my belly pop out and feeling the kicks. This one kicks less often and less hard than Z did -- is that a good sign? Z has been rambunctious forever-- I could use a mellow one!
Sweetie and I are discussing names. As this is my blog and he hasn't blogged for years (or commented here), I'll tell you without bias that my names are wonderful and he has stubbornly rejected them all, whereas he has only a handful of really terrible ones, which I've politely declined.
All for now.
Yours, Mockula
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