Good news

Okay, I have to be upfront and say that as Az gets older, I feel like there's so much I still want to share about her and her journey, but also that she needs and deserves privacy.

I'm not sure how I'm going to balance those, but I think ultimately I will have to come down on the side of her needs, not mine.

So without going into any great detail, I will say we've been making some changes and trying new things, and that we've had some pretty positive early results.

For example, we went to Hamilton last week (it was amazing). And often in the past, if I did some big, grand exciting thing that I was hoping Az would love, we would find at the end that she was entirely focused on the one thing that hadn't gone her way. She'd declare that she had a terrible time, because despite getting do to everything she wanted at the fair and getting a cotton candy, she hadn't also gotten a frozen slushy. It was so hard to be a parent and go through that cycle every time of "this is gonna be so great! -- Oh, this seems like a minor setback. -- Ugh, why do I even do anything for her when I can never make her happy?"

But anyway, Hamilton was terrific, and we both thought so, and someone even traded her seats for a better view (for reasons I won't go into, but it was kind of dumb of them!), and afterwords she got three cast members to sign her program. She looked SO HAPPY all day. And there was nothing, not the slightest thing, that brought her down. Even though traffic was awful and we pulled off in Pinole to eat dinner. She was just... cool. Easygoing. She just rolled with everything.

And there have been some other developments that, in any other household, would probably be nothing noteworthy, but in my case, I immediately called my mom to share the good news.

First, I gave Az a bowl of chicken noodle soup for lunch, and I said I loved her (I tell her all the time). She answered, "thanks for the food. I love you."

I played it cool until I got out the door, but she NEVER EVER EVER tells me she loves me, and she almost never says thank you about anything.

Later the same day, after Lochlan had already chosen a dessert, Azadeh asked if we could try the new gelato place that opened up down the street. So the two of us snuck out and got some gelato. And friends, she is weird about food. She hoards it, hides it, sneaks it, and sometimes eats like she's been in prison, guarding it. Mom and I used to get a small dessert sometimes when we'd go out to dinner, and we'd get three spoons, and she'd be SO greedy and weird about us even tasting it that we sort of gave up on the endeavor.

She NEVER voluntarily offers tastes of food. But I guess a lot of our "nevers" are getting disproven today, because last night she scooped up a bite of the "afternoon tea" flavor and handed it to me to try.   Again, I had to act like it was all normal and cool, but you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Anyway, I KNOW, okay, that saying thank you, saying "I love you," offering bites of food, and enjoying enjoyable events are probably not noteworthy in a household with a neurotypical kid, but I don't have that household, so I'm celebrating -- hell, I'm walking on air!