The love-fest.

Zadie has been a little difficult lately, so I'm going to focus on a positive story instead.

On Thursday at karate, it was a student's turn to bow the class out at the end. They asked, "Any comments or questions?" Several hands shot up.

"Yes Connor?"

"I thought you had really good side kicks today, Ma'am."

"Thank you, sir. Yes, Azadeh?"

"You looked really focused during attention stance, Ma'am."

"Thank you Ma'am."

They've been instructed to only take two to three comments at the end, otherwise this could go on all day. The student dismisses the class, and another parent leans over to me and whispers, "How did all this positivity start?"

"Well," trying to answer honestly but not without pride, "I think it was all my kid's fault."

It's true: a little over a year ago, the resounding answer to every "any comments or questions" was dead silence.  Until my kid came along. One day, her hand shot up. The kid in front was so surprised they had to look at their sensei for what to do. "Call on her," he said. Still a little nonplussed, they had to be prompted again. "Say, 'Yes, Zadie.'"

They did, and she had a compliment. At that time, it was less focused than it is now. She would often compliment, say, the color of their belt. This started when she was four, so I remember her complimenting a young lady's purple belt more than once. Hey, she likes purple. But pretty much a class never went by without her raising her hand for a comment at the end. As it was always complimentary, I decided to let it go. If her sensei found it disruptive, he could handle it. He didn't seem to. As time went on, her compliments drifted toward the performance-based. "I thought you did a good job leading the class today."

After several iterations of this, one day another hand shot up. They had a compliment, too. And now it was as if some kind of wall had been broken down. The students all wanted to say something, to be called on, to share what they had noticed.

It started taking a long time. The sensei at that point instituted the "two or three quiet hands" rule, and now it's a standard part of the end of class to hear a few compliments.

I know I'm a big ol' hippie, but I like it. I think it's sweet to see a bunch of 4-6 year olds sincerely complimenting one another's performance. And I think it's one of the best examples of leading by example she's ever done. She effected change in a positive way, and I think that's really cool.


NB: Not that the dojo's atmosphere was negative in any way before. Sometimes things that are good can still improve.