What to even say?

Yesterday, Donald Trump was elected the President of the United States of America.

That had two pretty profound effects on me.

First, it told me that the America I thought I loved and the people I thought I counted on are not what and who I thought. I thought I could trust them, ultimately, to vote to protect my family, my friends, my children. And I couldn't. I lost faith in America.

Second, I discovered that my optimism, which has rarely let me down, is a failure now. It's a part of myself and my identity and the way I think of myself that is now an untrustworthy black hole. I lost faith in myself.

And I logged on to Facebook and saw the messages I would have posted once... about how to move forward. About Martin Luther King and the arc of history. About Anne Frank and her faith in people.

And I saw -- even though, I admit, I have manipulated and blocked and hidden and unfriended my Facebook page into an echo chamber of liberals -- that on almost everyone else's expressions of grief and dismay, there was some white dude (not a stereotype if it's true) talking about why or how or gloating or defending or in some way trying to tell people like me that our feelings aren't real.

And I had e-fuckin'-nough. I deactivated, probably temporarily, my Facebook account. I don't know how I will face my students today. The articles all those lovely people were posting suggested that we tell our students we will protect them, make sure their parents aren't deported, make sure they don't lose their health care, make sure they don't lose their rights. And I don't think I can tell them that lie today.

So I made pancakes, and I am going to get through today. That's what I can promise.