Mom Cave!

You may remember back in January or February that we had a realtor come over and look at the house. His recommendation was that we not move, but find a place to make better use of the space here. One suggestion was that if we needed to use Sweetie's office as a bedroom, we could move the laundry to the garage and use the laundry room as a small "man cave." Well, Sweetie balked (and not unreasonably -- he has WAY more stuff than could fit in that little room). But it got me thinking... I wouldn't turn down my own space just because it was small. Heck, I don't have ANY space right now. To do a craft project, I have to haul all my stuff out of the garage or a closet, then put it all back before breakfast (as my crafting space is usually our table) which means I sometimes just don't do it.
So I sat on it until summer, when I knew I'd have some time to meet workers at the house, but here is summer. And here is my mom cave in progress.

The first thing I realized I'd have to do is find an alternate place for the food and appliances we have stored in there. There's a small broom closet in that room which was mainly being used to store re-usable grocery bags. Really. It was stacked with bags full of other bags. And there were a few odds and ends besides, but basically it was dead space.

(This is a dramatic re-creation, as I had actually already cleaned it out.)

I cleared it out and added shelves, so now we have a wee pantry.





Step two was to make room in the garage for the washer and dryer. There was a large storage rack there with my craft stuff on it, so I just move that out of the way, figuring that I could empty most of it into the house once the mom cave was complete. We have nearly filled the perimeter of the garage with these racks, so I was lucky that we still had a space for one, but we did. I move it nearer the door, and it was out of the way for a while.

Step three was to find a new place for our cleaning supplies, most of which lived in the laundry room. After talking to the contractor, it sounded like the washer/dryer would have to be closer to the center or the right side of the wall, but that left the left side free. I moved the rack from the laundry room in there and filled it with cleaning supplies. I also mounted the stick vacuum and moved some things from a less-accessible garage closet onto the rack.

I forgot to take a "before" photo, so here's an "in progress" and an "after."



Step four! I needed a place for my craft stuff in the Mom Cave. This was a bit of a misstep on my part. Okay, a couple missteps. First, I was going to get a small rack from Ikea, and I actually went there, put it on a cart and everything. But there's an as-is section near the front of the store with some good bargains, and I saw a unit that would fit in the space (tricky, as it needed to be fairly narrow) and was much taller, plus it had a drawer. It was more money ($90), but 40% off its original price. The mis-steps were as follows: First, I was kind of stoked that it was already assembled. But... I drive a station wagon. That was a fiasco. Second, I was kind of stoked that it was already assembled, but... it's 9 feet tall. I couldn't get it through any doorway in my house. So I stuck it in the garage and had to de-assemble it to get it inside. Third, I figured that since it was so narrow, it wouldn't interfere with the guys' work on the cave. But it did, so they had to move it several times. Loaded with stuff. One thing Ikea furniture is not is sturdy. If it survives another couple of scoots across the floor to patch the drywall behind it, it will be a small miracle.



Step five: Get rid of some of my shit. You know, if you make a glittery John Deere square-dancing skirt to wear when you are in a riot grrl band in the previous decade, no rule says you have to keep it forever. I sorted, I tossed, I gave away. I still have too much stuff, but I'm working on it. And I freely admit I have a problem.

Step six. The dudes come! It was a lot of work we were talking about, so I was amazed they got almost all of it done in a day, but they did. They had to knock holes in two walls, close off plumbing in one room, add a drain in another area, run electrical to the garage, add a 220 outlet, move the actual appliances, hook them up, create a vent, and patch and mud the two wall-holes.







I just realized I haven't yet photographed the new laundry area, so I'll do that soon. Maybe when I can post pictures of the finished Mom Cave!

Happy Anniversary

Today is my and Sweetie's 7 year wedding anniversary. In many ways, it feels like we just got married. It has been the easiest 7 years (and 9 years together) of my life. Here's why. You know all that stuff I've enjoyed doing in the last nearly ten years? Ripping out the lawn to put in a garden, learning to bake bread, to can, to pickle, creating a Mom Cave, kayaking, having a baby, buying a new home, making changes to said home, traveling, going camping...? Well I may seem like the Dharma of the Dharma & Greg equation, but I'm not some sitcom lady who does crazy stuff while her husband looks on disapprovingly. In fact, I usually have the germ of an idea, talk to my Sweetie about it, and he says three things: "Cool. I think you should do it. What can I do to help make it happen?" And whether the answer to that last question has been "use this kick-tool to tear out the lawn" or "agree to use our tax money for it" or "be patient with my kitchen messes" or "go get a sperm motility test" or "feed the cats while I'm gone," the answer is always yes. He's not only my sounding board, but he's my constant support and encouragement. And even though I sometimes mess up and measure wrong and leave messes and do things in a half-assed fashion, he almost never laughs at me or tells me "I told you so." In short, just about everything cool about me is because he's standing beside me. Thanks for standing beside me for nine years, including up there at the altar. My life is better because of you all the time.

Hot town, summer in the city

Well, not today. But it's really summertime! I've been off for a week. Can you feel me reconnecting with myself?
I always swear that I'll try to keep it brief, but I never do, do I?
So... The garden is a delight. My tomatoes are tall, and the two biggest ones turned yellow today. There are about sixty growing thus far, and they've just begun! We also have cukes, zukes (two harvested already), pumpkins, eggplant (got its first flowers yesterday), onions (harvested yesterday), mint, artichokes, peppers, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, echinacea, chamomile, fennel, lavender, sage, and a newly planted watermelon. With the exception of a pepper I had to give up on and an artichoke that didn't get enough light, everything is thriving. The tomatoes are about up to my chin. Having a small home garden is much more enjoyable than I ever thought it would be.
I'm a little bummed that I seem to be sick a lot this Spring. I had the mastitis, a sinus infection, the flu, and now pinkeye (which is going away quickly without medication). I also have a lingering cough for some reason. I'm on the world's slowest losing-weight schedule, but I am still doing that. I'm starting to really see the results in the way my clothes fit and in the way my body looks, but I'm also not hung up on the idea, either. I've been trying to get the most out of my gym membership, so in addition to my usual routine, I have added a few yoga and Zumba classes here and there. I also changed up my usual routine just a bit, adding some more weights/machines for my upper body, and I can feel the shape of my arms changing, too. Michelle Obama arms, here I come!
Zadie and I have been very busy. At the moment, she has swimming Monday through Thursday and karate on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Add to that some socializing, some gardening, some chores, and suddenly we have a very full week! Karate is going great. I told someone yesterday that Zadie is the last one standing, last one kneeling, last one to shout "yes, sir!," and she wiggles in line. But for Zadie, the fact that she's kneeling, standing, shouting, and lining up is pretty great! (And today she actually wasn't the last one... she's improving every time.)
Swimming is not going quite so well. Suffice to say, Zadie has used up her bravery elsewhere. We're going to stick it out through next week, then maybe try something else like the Y. My dad also agreed to teach her, and thus far we haven't gone over there. She might feel more comfortable with him.
Well, I'm exhausted and heading for bed. Take care, CM

The pictures..

Zadie loved the Mission playground.



So did Reza.


Saturday at the beach. He found several whole sand dollars.

With the Sutro Baths behind us.

Heading in to the Conservatory of Flowers.

I liked this one.

Zadie liked this one because it is purple.

Sweetie liked this one because it looks like a monster face.

Their special exhibit, Plantasaurus Rex, was pretty cool.

Her appetite wasn't all the way back, but it was good enough for some ice cream.

She loved this thing. Look at the other people on it -- it's mostly teens and adults.

One more for perspective. There are other kids on it, but none as little as her.

Day three -- the sucky trip home

We got up and went to Beachside, where we had a lovely breakfast. In an odd coincidence, the proprietors of Old Soul, a Sacramento coffee roaster, were there. We thought about taking a cable car, but in the end just decided to go home, with a stop in Berkeley first.

As it was only ten, absolutely nothing in Berkeley was open. We're not sure what early risers do there. We headed back to the freeway.

Before too long, I realized my stomach was feeling pretty touchy. I was having waves of nausea, and I tried to breathe deeply to help it pass. We stopped and got a Sprite and I went to the restroom to see if I could vomit, but nothing happened.

No, it waited until I was driving in West Sacramento at the interchange of about three freeways. Naturally, I couldn't pull over, so I just kept driving and hurling. Sweetie tried hard to catch it in my McDonald's cup, but it was much, much worse than the wee cup could hold. I actually called Kaiser later, and they asked how many times I vomited, and I had to answer, "Well once, basically -- it just went on for several minutes."

We finally got home, I stripped my clothes off in the garage, left the car in the driveway with the windows open, and then I spent the next seven or so hours lying down, then slowly sitting up, then lying down again. And sipping water. I felt like SHIT. I'm actually starting to feel a little better, because I took some Tylenol for my headache, and the headache had really been the icing on the shit cake.

But enough of that. I'm going to leave the sick talk as its own post and start a new one just for photos of us having a great time in San Francisco, because we really, truly did.

Day two

I really got some great pictures today, but I'm having trouble syncing them, so some brief verbiage, and a longer post later.
We wake up too early for most cafes nearby, so we found the sole open one, Java Beach, and went in, it was fine,but nothing to write home about. Zadie's appetite was still a little off (and we had one midnight vomit episode), so she picked at a bit of bagel and then a bit of croissant and was done.
Then we went for a walk on the beach. I'm not sure exactly why (although my guess is that we went overboard on the ocean safety talks), but Z is now scared of the ocean and repulsed by seas foam. She refused to walk near the tide at all, so it was kind of a rough walk, as the adults both wanted to enjoy the waves and cool washed-in things (including whole sand dollars and jellyfish!). At one point, we had walked so far we were almost to Cliff House, so we just went up there. It was too early to see the camera obscura, but there were lovely views. I would have liked to walk down to the sutro baths, but I had to pee like crazy, and there were no restrooms anywhere. We walked instead through Sutro park, then a neighborhood, then through Golden Gate park towards the hotel. That was where the day took a bit of a downhill turn. I don't know whether it was remnants of illness, a side stitch, or just general crankiness, but Zadie just did not want to walk. She's already stubborn as a mule, so getting her to walk another mile when she didn't want to was just torturous. (I know we sound like slave drivers, but she loves to walk and can usually walk miles without complaint. It didn't even occur to us that the walk was too far.)
When we got back to the hotel, she was happy to rest and watch Mr. Rogers, but we had no plans to do that all day. I had seen signs for a park shuttle, so I looked it up and found that it was free, came every 15 minutes, and went everywhere we wanted. We walked to the shuttle stop (2 complaint-ridden blocks), then stopped at the Murphy windmill to wait. The ride was great: we were the only ones on almost the whole way, we saw waterfalls, the bison paddock, lakes... Our first stop was the Conservatory of Flowers, which I thoug I'd been to, but I was wrong. I've been to the botanical gardens. The conservatory is a big glass building with microclimates inside that showcases all kinds of different plants. Some were incredibly beautiful. Their special exhibit was on plants from the Paleolithic era, and Zadie loved that display, which featured a simulated volcanic eruption.
Next, we went to the area where the DeYoung and the Academy of Sciences is, because we had seen several food trucks parked there. We got Indian, and it was as good as any I've ever had in a restaurant, particularly the succulent pakoras. Zadie nibbled a bit of rice.
She said she really just wanted to see the fountain, so I went to throw away our trash and Sweetie walked her down the steps. It took me about twenty seconds, and before I had made my way back to them, she was crying piteously. She had tripped and had a skinned knee and scraped up arm. We gave her band aids and cool water and gum and sang "Everybody Hurts," but nothing improved her mood, and she burst into tears periodically for at least half an hour (the REM actually made it worse).
We went next on the shuttle to the children's playground, which is great fun. It has a huge rope climbing structure and a concrete slide that you go down on a piece of cardboard. Zadie started to show a bit of her usual fearless nature, and when some other parents told her she was a good climber, she said, "I know!" For the record, she was probably the smallest kid on the rope thing the whole time we were there, and she was a badass about getting around on it.
Then we got an ice cream and went on the carousel, and finally back to the shuttle stop to head to the hotel. We accidentally got off at the wrong windmill and had a long walk home, which caused Z to be none too pleased. But we went out again for dinner next to the hotel (Beachside, this time), and we got treats. She pecked at macaroni and some fries, complained that Sweetie's fish tasted like pee and shark, and then perked up at her first cotton candy.
We decided to take another beach stroll, but she could not be convinced. In fact, she was such a pill that we just came back to the hotel and instituted a quiet reading hour. Now everyone but me (and the incredibly loud barking dog next door) is asleep, and I'm turnng in, too.
It has been an odd trip. Zadie declared today the happiest day ever, then thirty minutes later, she said it was the worst day ever. I am sure she was still feeling sick, because she never loses her appetite. On the other hand, it was the most beautiful day, we got to do things we never have, the shuttle was really convenient (and the drivers friendly and blasting the classic rock), and in many ways the day was actually much more kid-focused than some of our outings. I finally saw the bison! And when I'm on a real keyboard, I'll give a few more details (and the pictures), but suffice to say, it was a good day in many ways. Still, I think I'll be ready to go home tomorrow. Well, assuming the car doesn't stink too badly of vomit.

San Francisco day 1: craziness!

Since I'm out of school and it's Father's Day, we decided to go to San Francisco. We spent the early morning having breakfast, cleaning, and getting some laundry done, then about ten, we hit the road. Zadie, true to form, had two breakfasts-- toast and jam, and cereal with milk. The first thing we did in the city was check out Triple Aught Designs in the Dog Patch area. We poked around for a long time before we found a suitable Dad's day gift. Then it was one, and we were hungry, so we stopped into the first decent- looking place we saw. On the way theere, Z grabbed her stomach and announced that it hurt because we hadnt fed her. The restaurant, Just For You cafe and bakery, ended up being quite charming and tasty. There were both cornmeal pancakes and Mickey Mouse pancakes on the menu, and Z couldn't decide, so the waitress helpfully offered a hybrid. Zadie went to the bathroom three times, but nothing much happened. She only ate one pancake ear before insisting she was done. We hopped back in the car for our next stop, the Mission. We took a couple wrong turns, and traffic was heavy, but it didn't take us too long. We were already on Valencia when we heard two noteworthy gas-passing episodes, then a quite unusual noise that had us asking, "was that from your mouth? Seriously, where did that sound come from?" And then we heard the fountain of puke start. Luckily, I was a few seconds from a parking spot, so we moved her to the trunk, wiped her down, changed her clothes, gave her some water, and then Sweetie took her to a park for a few minutes while I used several hundred baby wipes to try to address the car interior. She actually said she felt much better, so we walked down the street, mostly without difficulty, although she did stop numerous times to hover over a gutter or planter to mime puking again. She was a little slow and grumpy, though, so I took her to get her first ginger ale while Sweetie did some shopping. Then he took her into the park again while I peeked into a few shops. It was a great park, and she was having a delightful time, including on some spinning, sick-making things, so we figured she was okay. We checked into our hotel, then we wandered to the Haight for some more browsing. We never found anything that looked too appealing to eat, so we went back to the hotel (in the Outer Sunset) again. I had read good Yelp reviews of a place just a few blocks away, so we walked there, but there was a long wait, so we went into a Mexican place next door instead. It was fine, although Z did not eat a single bite of enchilada (and trust me, it is not like her to miss a meal). Her energy and attitude are good, so we're hoping for a fun day tomorrow exploring Golden Gate Park. Cross your fingers for no more vomit! And that we find some Febreze or something for the car.

Timing!

So, I mostly just brag about how awesome my kid is, and she totally is. But there's no doubt that there are a few things about her that are different than other kids, and different in a way that are likely to cause her some problems. She's exceptionally high-energy. She is very physical (she'd much rather have a "love-attack" than a hug). She is kinetic -- she never stops moving until she falls asleep at night (and frankly, sometimes it's hard for her to fall asleep because she's moving so much). And while those things are great in some ways -- I can't imagine her ever having a weight problem -- they do make sitting quietly in circle time a bit of a challenge.

We tried Daddy and Me soccer. She sprinted at every opportunity from the field and towards the edge of the park. She really never got the concept of the games and just preferred to run at full speed, leaving her ball behind. We tried it for, I think, three six-week sessions, and then we gave up.

I took her to a ballet class at a nearby community center, but it was quickly apparent that wasn't going to work. The teacher would demonstrate fifth position, then walk around to each child to check and give corrections while the others waited. Zadie would wait for a short while, then run to the front of the room to hang from the barre and ham it up in the mirror.

When another year had passed, I signed her up for ballet again (at her request) at a different studio. This, I thought, would work better. The teacher kept the class moving quickly, Zadie was older... But it was still only a very moderate success. At the dress rehearsal for the recital, she nearly dove off the stage (literally -- several moms jumped forward to catch her) because she was less interested in doing the dance than in exploring and jumping.

At that recital, though, was a hip-hop group for 3 and 4 year olds. They were moving vigorously, jumping, etc. I asked Zadie if she'd like to try it, and she said yes. Well, we did it for about three months, but last week when I picked her up, Mom said that not only was Zadie running around, not doing the routines, etc. (she'd had a few time-outs before actually getting kicked out of the class for the day), she was disrupting the other kids and interfering with the teacher's ability to teach.

I'm not unrealistic. I know who my kid is, and I don't expect her to be perfect. If she had simply enjoyed it, even if she wasn't exactly on point with the routines, I would have kept her in there. But if she's disrupting the class and the other students, that's another matter. I knew it was time to take her out of hip-hop.

Through pre-school, the kids had all taken a single karate class, and then the instructor had offered a free month's classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays after the initial class. Mom had been taking her, and it sounded like she was enjoying them. I actually liked what I was hearing from the class, that there was a focus on self-discipline, and Zadie was really taking that in. The free month was ending, and we were debating switching times and paying for it. It costs more than the other activities we'd had her in. But Mom was willing to pay for a month to see how it went, and she and the instructor talked -- he wasn't 100% sure Zadie was ready for it, either, so they agreed that she didn't have to buy the outfit or anything yet, and they would decide at the end of the month whether she was ready.

Tuesday was the new class at the later time, so Mom had told me she would just bring Zadie home. That gave me a little more free time than I usually have, so I went by the dance studio to withdraw her. The guy at the counter had me sign some papers, and I walked out. Then another woman came out the door, calling me as I walked away. She tried to convince me to stay -- I had already paid for the rest of the month, I had bought the costume -- so I had to voice what was wrong. My kid, beautiful and smart and strong and loving and creative as she is, is also kind of hyperactive, and she has trouble listening, and she was disrupting the whole class. When I walked back towards the car, I surprised myself by saying out loud, "I'm sad."

I was, too. I didn't want her to have challenges like this. We had now gone through quite the series of classes that she wasn't well-suited to. I didn't care if she was the uncoordinated chubby girl in the ballet class (there's always one) as long as there was something she enjoyed and tried hard at. I don't expect her to be an Olympian, just to get some exercise and have some fun, not constantly get in trouble. Why would I pay $70 a month to have her put in time-out?

I went home still feeling really blue. I talked a little to Sweetie about it, but I had barely been home five minutes when Mom came over with Zadie. "We had a great day at karate! She did very well. Zadie, show them your Tiger roll."

And my daughter stood with a strong posture and a focused look in her eye, executing a series of moves and saying the instructions at the same time. "Attention stance! Thumbs on top! Catch! Triangle on the floor! Isa!" She stood, moved her arms into place sharply, did a perfect roll, and stood at the end and finished.

Karate it is.

I don't care if she never gets a black belt. I don't care if she decides to quit and take up the oboe. I just want her to find something to do that she's crazy about -- crazy enough to be a little less crazy for a half-hour twice a week. I liked the focus I saw on her face. I liked the control she had over her body. I hope she liked the feeling, too.

(Un-edited because I'm currently being used as a jungle gym.)

Say a little prayer?

So... I have a student who is very ill and maybe dying, and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I know what to do; I sent a gift to his hospital room, and if the worst happens, I'll send a card to the family, attend the service, and, if the family needs help, donate for the service. But I still don't know what to do... I kind of hoped I could slide through thirty years of teaching without this ever happening. And all my kids are special, right? But this kid is pretty special.

Happy Mothers Day

I watched this video earlier, and, as I often do, imagined what I would say in their place. Six or so seconds to sum up how awesome my mom is? Unpossible. I mean, would I say...

That she taught me about the Puritan work ethic (no, not just about it -- to HAVE it).
That she gave me a sense of fairness and equality.
That she taught me not to judge people.
That she taught me that the only person whose judgment mattered about me was myself, and that pride in myself had to come from what was inside, from doing good and making good choices.
That she taught me how to cook, sometimes by letting me experiment in my own hard-headed way, and letting me fail (my improvised peanut butter and jelly cookies come to mind).
That she let me make messes and taught me how to clean them up.
That she swing-danced with me in the living room.
That she sang to me, all the time (even though we both know...)
That I had freedom, but necessary limits as well.
And that she was able to ease up on those limits when I needed it, too.
She taught me to have a positive attitude.
She both taught me and modeled for me the importance of exercise and healthy eating.
She taught me the difference between fashion and style.
She taught me to read, a lot, for information and pleasure.
She instilled in me my love for the movies.
She taught me the names of plants.
She told me I could always come to her about anything, and then proved it was true when I came to her.
She never freaked out about my hair, because hair grows.
She forced me to take on mature tasks that I was scared of, so that when I left the nest, I could handle them.
She told me a thousand times that she would love me no matter what and I could be anything I wanted. She wouldn't be disappointed if I became, as she often said, a ditch-digger.
That she had a policy of transparency about budgeting and bills, and that to this day, I am probably better at household finance stuff than most people I meet.
 That she taught me that saying I love you is important, but not as important as showing it.
She taught me restraint.
That she helped me with the downpayment for my first house, without which I wouldn't have this nice house in this nice neighborhood today.
That she has donated, oh, 6,500 hours or so to care of my child, which she provides with loving grace and patience.

Could I tell a story instead? About how, after she found out I was skipping school, she came down to the school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, made friends with the attendance lady, and checked to make sure I'd attended all my periods, despite the fact that she worked full time.

About how, when I actually got kicked out of that school, she picked me up, drove without speaking to a bookstore, got out and slammed the door, came back several minutes later and tossed a book on my lap. I looked at the title, Dibs in Search of Self, and the category, "child psychology," and snapped at her: "Psychology? What, do you think I need psychological help?!" She gritted her teeth and looked straight ahead. "No," she said. "I read it years ago, and when I saw it, I just thought you'd like it." I knew she'd always love me no matter what, but I was feeling a little touch and go that day. But on one of the roughest yet days of our life thus far, she bought me a present. Just because she thought I'd like it.

After I had started my new school, I had it pretty rough. Think of going from "Fame" to "Stand and Deliver" and still having your gothy-hippie-blue-haired-drama-nerd thing going on. Yeah. I went home one day and cried to my mom that the other students hated me, made fun of me for how I dressed, and that I felt so left out and alone. She reminded me that I was choosing to dress that way. She could, if I wanted, drive me to the Gap right then and suit me up like all the other kids. I just had to decide what I wanted. And you know, my mom is kind of a Gap woman herself -- well, Ralph Lauren, really -- but I knew it wasn't that she was harboring some secret desire for me to change and fit in. She was challenging me to accept myself as I was, to see my own role in my challenges and my life, and to decide how I was going to move forward. I decided to be myself. And even though it would have been easier for both of us, at times, if I wasn't so weird and hard-headed and flamboyant and outspoken, I also know she loves me just the way I am. So even though in some ways we are very different, in my heart, and in her heart, we are just the same. Strong. Good. Caring. Mothers. Thanks, Mom.

O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us/ To see oursels as ithers see us!

So Robert Burns was talking about not embarrassing ourselves by being able to see ourselves from others' point of view, but I've always wished I could see myself as an outsider might. Sometimes I feel they've got it quite wrong, but do they?

Today, for example, I saw the guy at the gym who hands out locker keys and whatnot. I always joke with him, and he's been giving me a bad time for losing my membership card. He razzed me today, and I said "Oh yeah? Guess what... 135500." "What's that? Your membership number?" "Yup!" "How'd you get it?" I CALLED AND ASKED, SUCKA!" "But... did you memorize it?" "Yeah, but it was hella easy. It was the prime numbers, plus the numbers at the end are repeated." "Whoo... somebody's got a head for math!"

That tickled me. Math was always my worst subject in school. I never liked it. On the other hand, I am actually pretty good at grasping concepts about things like my personal budget or the cost efficiency of one plan vs. another. In short, I'm pretty good with numbers, which is, I guess, being good at math.

Even more staggering, last Saturday, I was at a birthday party for one of Zadie's little friends. The parents live in a place with a small kitchen, so they'd ordered a cake from Whole Foods. (It was delicious, incidentally!) The mom turned to me and said, "You probably made Zadie's cake, didn't you?" I nodded, and she added, "One of those supermoms."

I thought it was so odd that it's been bouncing around in the back of my head for several days, and I brought it up to some other mom/teacher friends today, thinking they, too, would think it was silly that someone thought I was a supermom. Heck, three of them actually only work part-time so they can go home and be with their kids. But to a one, they were like "No, that's pretty much how we think of you, too." And, you know, it was weird. I mean, I curse myself all the time for all the things I DON'T do for Zadie, like stay home or work part-time or do art projects instead of dragging her on my errands. I feel like a pretty shoddy goddamn mom sometimes. I'd love to do enrichment and reading and nature walks a lot more often, but when it comes down to it, I have about four hours with her on most days, and I usually burn more than an hour of that getting her ready for bed and getting her home from Mom's. Then another hour and a half is preparing and eating dinner. That leaves precious little time to really hang out, and sometimes I'm just exhausted. The last thing that looks like to me is a supermom, and I sure as hell don't think being able to bake a cake makes me one.

I think what I am is sort of domestically inclined, and also sort of a cheapskate. But what I wish I really had more to spend was time with that kid. And no matter what I think of myself or my friends think of me, what really matters in the end is what Zadie thinks. I hope I'm good enough as I am.

Small changes, big effects

[I apologize in advance: I believe in the value of white space, but Blogger has made some changes and I can't figure out how to put space between my paragraphs. I'll work on it, because I know big blocks of text are intimidating.] So, I am almost out of salt. I buy the canister of Morton's salt with the little girl on it, and I was kind of shocked to discover that I needed another -- this will be the third in about a year. I used to go through one of those far less frequently. They probably lasted more than a year. I briefly panicked, thinking that perhaps our sodium consumption was way up as a family. Of course, then I realized that part of it is that my husband uses salt for a saline nasal rinse, and I sometimes use it as an abrasive cleanser, so that alone changes things a bit. Still, I started thinking about all the things I cook with salt. A tablespoon and a half goes into by bread recipe (which makes four loaves). Two tablespoons go into the water to cook the beans each week. I add it to other food, but not in mass quantities. Still, tablespoons seemed like a lot. I did some math and learned that actually, everything I make from scratch now has less sodium in it than all the stuff I used to buy. The bread has less than the sprouted wheat I used to buy. The soup has less than canned or boxed soup. The only thing that was hard to get a good feeling about was the beans, as I add a lot of salt to the water, and the beans certainly absorb some, but I dump a lot of the water off, too. Anyway, we're using a lot more salt, but we're also eating a lot less sodium. Funny. Here's another funny thing. I was talking with someone about TV, and I've never made any effort to watch less -- I didn't watch much in the first place. But I realized if someone asked Zadie, for example, she would probably answer that I don't watch at all. We cancelled cable last fall just to save some money, since we definitely weren't watching enough to justify $120 a month. I knew I could watch my usual programs on Hulu or Netflix, most of Zadie's programs are on Netflix or DVD, and Sweetie watches almost nothing but football anyway, so he watches that on ESPN's web site. Anyway, I realized that whereas I used to turn on the tv to watch, say, Community, if it was not on that week or if it was pre-empted or whatever, I had already planned to watch something, so I would just flip channels and watch something else, like American Idol (I know, I know). I would turn on the Home and Garden network or the Food network just to have something to watch. Now I go to the web site to watch my programs when I have time, and if there wasn't an episode that week, then I just do something else, because the ready supply of alternate crap just isn't there. Between movies, the occasional PBS show online, and a couple TV shows I follow, I now probably watch less than five hours a week. Five would be the max, too. In sum, I guess what I'm saying is I'm happy with the small changes we've made, and I'm surprised at how easy they've been.

An actual bad thing happened on Friday the 13th (for the first time I can remember)

Today was Springfest, a smallish food fair/talent show on campus. I was bummed about having to stay late on a shortened day, and the drinks we were selling were not exactly flying off the shelves. Worse, once the performances started all commerce stalled. But I do always like the performances.

One of the first was a dance group. It's a large, co-ed group that splices several songs together for one long routine, and they do their best to make sure dancers of all abilities get at least a few moments of feature time. In fact, they incorporated one of the severely disabled students into their routine. One of my students, a very quiet, hard-working, respectful kid is in the group. We'll call him X. He's one of those kids that never fails to say hello in the hall. Some kids don't go out of their way, although frankly most of them like me, but he does, and always with a smile. Recently he has risen in the ranks of ROTC. As the dance went on, it became clear that he was one of the leaders of the group. You could see the other dancers checking his face, and you could see his subtle eyebrow raises that let them know their cues. He seemed genuinely happy, not just to be dancing himself, but for the others. He smiled and clapped for the other dancers as they took their turns in the spotlight.

Then he and a partner took the stage, and I was thinking, "I'm going to have to remind X next year that I'll write a college or scholarship letter for him." He is such a well-rounded kid, I knew I could give some brief anecdotes to show the colleges how deserving he was. His dance finished and he moved to the side of the stage area and fell down. The dance had been dramatic thus far, and I figured it was either choreographed or part of his exuberance that he would slide into home, as it were, after his performance. I noted that his partner hadn't done the same, and I watched him to see if there was more. First one student went to his side, then another. And then I realized something was wrong.

I ran over and, at risk of sounding bossy, took charge. "Okay guys, the recovery position is on his side. Maybe you can help him. X, can you roll over a bit?" He tried and exclaimed in pain. "Okay, we're not doing that. You're cool, X, just stay comfortable. You guys, back off and give him some room. Are you calling 9-1-1?" I hesitated a minute. "Okay, good."

It had taken a minute to determine, as X was pale, shaking, sweating, and breathing hard, but it wasn't something like a cardiac event... just an injury. A pretty bad one, but just an injury. Someone was trying to find his backpack to get his cell phone to call his parents, but it was taking a lot of time, and I decided, "fuck that." "X, do you know your mom's number by heart?" He did, but she didn't speak English, and I knew he couldn't talk very well at the moment. Plus, it's incredibly noisy in there. He suggested his uncle, so I left his side for a minute and asked the uncle to either come down or get a hold of his parents to get them to come to the school. We try hard not to transport a kid by ambulance if it's not an absolute necessity and if they're not insured (which many of our students aren't), because it's a bill many families cannot afford. So if there was any chance we could get an adult there before the paramedics, we wanted one.

The paramedics arrived quickly, and I was glad. I backed up to watch, but shortly it became clear that there was room for me at his side again. I asked the paramedic if it was okay, and it was. I asked X if he wanted me to hold his hand, and he did. I continued to as they cut his pant leg off, started an IV, gave him a shot of morphine, put some foam pads under his leg, and got his information. I have no idea what else was going on at the time. His knee was dislocated, which is an apt description -- it was in the wrong damn place. It appeared that his kneecap was over on the side of his leg, or perhaps the swelling made it look that way. At one point, he let go of my hand, and I started to pull away, but he was just stabilizing himself, and he reached out for me with the other hand. Finally they rolled a stretcher close and I got out of the way so the firefighters and paramedics could lift him. It was obviously still painful, as they had just barely given him the morphine, but they used about six guys and did their best to hold him steady and not jostle his knee too much. I was actually really impressed with all of them, but particularly Joe, who spoke authoritatively but calmly to X, explaining what was going on.

I walked toward the parking lot with them to say goodbye, and the vice principal stepped up and asked if I could ride with him. Someone had to. "Uh... yeah. Let me grab my stuff." I started to run back to my purse and keys, and he added, "Would you have a ride back?" Oh... no, I wouldn't really. He quickly asked another teacher, but while that was going on, X's dad arrived, and he got in the ambulance to go.

You know how sometimes scary stuff happens in slow motion with ultra-focus? It's odd -- the slow motion happened for me several minutes before the accident. (Incidentally, a few other students told me later that they had watched the video, and it looked like he had landed on his knee. He couldn't figure out what happened.) I was honestly just watching him, thinking about what a nice, good, pleasant, hard-working, well-rounded kid he is and how much I like him. I hope he's okay.

I love vacation days!

This week, we didn't do anything too extraordinary. On Monday, we did a lot of gardening. On Tuesday, we went to Berkeley to meet Monkeygirl, and we had pizza and gelato. On Wednesday, I mainly cleaned the house, as we had friends coming for dinner. Zadie also got a haircut. Thursday was a bake-a-thon. And today? I said we'd go to Effie Yeaw nature center, but Z's not even awake yet. I have a few things to do around here, but not much. I ordered and assembled a Trail-Gator, a bar that attaches Z's bike to mine so that it's like a big tandem bike, and we'll probably do some riding today. (Incidentally, I can put stuff together like a mofo, but when you tell me it's time to use "ratchet assembly C" or whatever, and there's not a single page in the instructions that labels the parts, it's not that damn useful. Might as well just have a picture that says "this guy right here.")

Here is some yesterday stuff.

Sticky rolls for Easter morning egg hunt with the neighbors.


Sugar cookies for the kids on Easter.

I always make these at Christmas, and for the last two years, I've made them at Easter, too. I started making them with lemon extract instead of vanilla for the Easter version, and though I love them the normal way, the lemon kind is growing on me.

I made dinner rolls for Easter as well.


And of course we dyed eggs!

Happy birthday to me... again!

We have been waiting to take our annual Santa Cruz trip for a while so our schedules were a little freer. Of course, we've been really looking forward to it, but as the day approached, the weather reports were grim. Still, I love Santa Cruz and was looking forward to going. Sure, a little rain might mean no beach time, but there's still lots of great stuff to do. Of course, on Friday morning as we left, it was about 65 and sunny in Sacramento, and we were sure we were headed into a pouring rain.

We weren't. Santa Cruz was gorgeous. We dropped our things off in the hotel and went directly to Natural Bridges State Beach. We started by going down the trail to the butterfly migration stop, knowing that it was past migration time, yet still hopeful. Well, it wasn't as swarming with Monarchs as it sometimes is, but we saw a few, and it was a really lovely, clear day.



We then went into the visitor's center. (I know, the beach lust was killing me, but I also kind of like building up the suspense!) There, we found some beautiful posters, one of which Sweetie bought and I'll have framed. The ranger was really friendly and showed us around. She recommended a book to Sweetie that he bought, and I think it was a hit, as he kept reading me lines from it all evening.

Finally we went down to the beach. We ran in the surf just a bit (taking turns, as Zadie would NOT go near it -- she told us it freaked her out). We rolled down hills, buried her, watched someone fly a kite, and just enjoyed the sunshine.


We showered the sand off, then went to Saturn Cafe for dinner. We walked around downtown a bit and bought some things in the bookstore, then retired. Sweetie bought me two books for my birthday.

The next morning, we went to Cafe Brasil. I can hardly describe how much I love the dish gallo pinto. There's a rice pilaf with beans, warm tortillas, fried plantains (both sweetly ripe and starchily unripe), and scrambled eggs with a vinegar-y sauce. It's practically every flavor and texture, but they go so well together...

When we left, it was raining, so we grabbed coffees, then headed to Seymour Marine Research Center. It's such a great place for kids. It's like the Monterey Bay Aquarium writ small. It's cheaper, smaller, and requires very little attention span. Plus, it's crawling with helpful docents. I love their little gift shop, too, where I got two pieces of jewelry (one a birthday present from Sweetie).



(Zadie got a treat, too -- this is Bonny Lily Bogginsons, her new turtle.)

We then did some shopping downtown. The rain had cleared up, and it was nice again. We split up a bit so each of us could shop alone for a while. I found a great dress, some stationery, some socks, and I can't recall what-all else. Stickers, I think.

I wanted to stop by Bonny Doon winery's tasting room, which used to be a ways down the Cabrillo highway. I looked it up to check the hours, but as it happens, it had moved... to right around the corner from our hotel! We went there, and we found that there was a whole bunch of stuff -- a natural food store, a French bakery, a vintage clothes shop -- so after I did my tasting, we looked around a bit more. It was a bit of a funny feeling, because that area is right off the path I used to take when visiting friends and walking to the beach, yet it wasn't there when my friends lived there. It's a whole new bit of Santa Cruz that I know and they probably don't.

That evening, we stopped at Donnelly's chocolates, a place we hadn't noticed before, but that boasted that it was voted among the top ten chocolates in the world by National Geographic. Inside, the room was quite small and there were already three people crammed in. We peeked around as best we could and found dark chocolate with chipotle, Chinese five spice, rose, lavender, sea salt, and more. Reza bought nine of the fancy chocolate bars for me as a birthday present (and if you haven't noticed yet, I am miles beyond spoiled by this man).

We were next door to Vasili's, which is a Greek restaurant I like. I ordered too much -- we shared an appetizer as well as the vegetarian plate, so there was salad, tzaziki, dolmas, veggies, rice, feta... I had skordalia on the side, which is a garlicky potato dip. It was served with two warm, fresh pitas. It was starch dipped in starch. It made me think of the meme of Xzibit saying "Yo, dawg, I heard you like Facebook, so we put a Facebook in your Facebook so you can Facebook while you Facebook."


I am the only one who will get this.

Finally, we got Z and Sweetie both Slurpees, and we turned in. Sweetie would want me to mention that getting Z to bed was an absolute horrorshow both nights.

On Sunday morning, it was lovely again. We tried out the French bakery, and it was good. We only tried bread and coffee, but their other pastries looked good, and I'd love to try them sometime.

Honestly, I was feeling sad about leaving, and I wanted to see the ocean just once more. We went back to the beach, but there was a marathon or something blocking the road. We parked, but Sweetie was over it and decided to stay in the car. Z and I took a walk around the beach, but the tide was really high, so we didn't venture close to the water.

Finally, we hit the road.

We made it almost all the way home before I (really!) needed to pee. We were in Vacaville, and I (okay, fine) wanted to stop at the Nut Tree and see what it's like now. We used the restroom in Peet's, but then we checked out the kids' attractions, too. Obviously, it's not the Nut Tree that lives in my nostalgia, but it was fun anyway. I have really fond memories of that place, so it was nice to see some of the old stuff still there.


And then today, I used my birthday gift certificate to Green Acres to buy some more plants! We did some gardening, and now I've got yogurt... yogurting. It's been a lovely break so far.

February comes to a close.

Well, it's the end of February, and I've managed to keep myself as busy as ever. Z will be four in a month, which is amazing. Four seems like, oh, not my baby, not my toddler, but a complete little person. But she's a really interesting person and I'm glad to know her.

We've added a few chores to her repertoire -- she now takes her laundry basket to the laundry room and picks up the things in her room, mostly shoes and books. She does them pretty happily; this weekend she did the laundry before I asked.

She really talks in a sophisticated fashion. She's always peppering her conversation with little phrases like, "Well, for instance," and "I'll bet," and "I suppose." She sounds like a teeny adult a lot of the time.

One big difference between her and me when I was little was reading. I wanted to read, by myself, a lot. I could read already and I did. She can't (although she's getting there), but she LOVES being read to, and she wants to read books that are way advanced for her age. She finished the first Harry Potter and is now on Matilda. She's also expressed interest in A Wrinkle in Time and The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. It's funny, because I forget how many stories are about caregivers (often parents) who are mean, abusive, absent, or otherwise terrible. She wanted me to read to her from Huck Finn today, which I was reading, and it was all about Huck's Pa drinking himself into a stupor and complaining about the "govment."

She just eats it up, though. Funny girl. I'm trying to figure out the line of what I do and don't want her exposed to just yet. In Harry Potter, I guess I'm okay with the idea of evil, but I am not that fond of how often they use the word "idiot." She's already asked about that and "shut up," which appears in Matilda.

We've talked her into a "put a bird on it" birthday, and I just ordered photos to use as the invitations. I'm excited.

She outgrew her bookshelves. They were little Ikea ones with pressboard that rested on pegs, and one day she tried to shove just one more book on the top shelf and it collapsed onto the second shelf, which collapsed onto the third. I decided to get her sturdier ones, so we went to Ikea last week, and I assembled them yesterday.

Before: (also before cleaning up)




After:




Even though there's more shelf space, once we brought in some books from the living room and put some toys on there, every inch is taken up again. At least I am not worried about these collapsing.

Last weekend we also went to Toys R Us. As part of an ongoing sneaky campaign to get her to learn about money, we give her an allowance, then occasionally take her to spend some of her money with a parental price-matching scheme. She had $20, and we encouraged her to save half, so she could spend up to $20 total. She wanted a number of things, especially a $19.95 fashion coloring thing that I thought would be frustrating (you had to be able to trace well), and I finally pointed out that she could get only the tracing thing or three other things -- a pink wig, a Barbie flashlight, and something that slips my mind now. She went for three things, and here is the video of her using two.



In other news, our little homestead is doing alright. We're not that apartment-dweller who manages to come up with six bushels of tomatoes grown vertically on his balcony or whatever, but we're making progress.

Here's lavender and rainbow chard.


Our lemon tree is flourishing after last year's pruning.


Our raspberry is showing signs of life.


And spreading, and I believe that's arugula that I planted last fall!


The blueberry looked pretty touch and go this winter, but it is coming back to life, too!


Our strawberries were so lovely to have last year that I think I'm going to plant about a billion more.


The parsley and chives overwintered.


We harvested the first peas yesterday.


And our very next project on the long list is filling this with dirt and herbs.


I believe that about covers it. Take care, all!

The saga of the house

So, as it turns out, that other house sold already. But I had come to the realization that, if we ever wanted to, uh, expand, we were going to need a bigger house. So I was looking at our place critically and thinking about what needed to happen. New counters in the kitchen, probably, which was a bummer because the materials I had been considering probably wouldn't appeal to buyers. We'd have to cover up all our lovely paint colors, including the room we did just last summer. The yard needed work -- it was perfect for our budding eco-friendly urban homestead, but most people would want a lawn. We'd have to rip out the decomposed granite and the planter beds and put down sod. And the bathroom... We were planning already on doing some things, but we'd have to do more. Could I paint over the pen marks on the doorframe of Zadie's room showing her height? No. If those assholes wanted to do it, they'd have to do it themselves!

In retrospect, the moment I started thinking of the potential new owners of my home as "those assholes" should have been a clue that I didn't really want to give up this house.

When I bought my first house, my gut feeling that told me to buy it was something like, "This will do." But when I walked into this house, my first thought was, "home." I love this house, and I love the neighborhood, and I love the neighbors. In fact, I spend more social time with my neighbors than I do with any of my friends. They're among the few people I hadn't mentioned thoughts of moving to, because I had no idea how I could tell them.

A realtor came by last Monday. He's the guy who helped us buy this house, and I've always trusted him. I run into him sometimes and he always remembers me, asks about our family, etc. Nice guy, and he knows the market. I wanted him to tell me what we needed to do most to the house in the next couple years to make it more marketable. (We couldn't sell it now, because we're underwater.)

But he looked around, made a few suggestions for making it more marketable, and then sort of changed his tune. "Of course, if you wanted to stay here, you could get a lot more usable dining room area if you just popped out this wall. And... does the garage meet up here on the outside? You could extend this half bath into the garage, add a shower, and have two bathrooms. And if your husband needs a man-cave, but you need another bedroom too, you could hook up the laundry in the garage and turn this laundry room into a little cave. There's even a door to close it off. And of course, you could convert part of the garage into office space..." He had a lot of ways of looking at my house that I'd never considered. "I say, if you love this house and this neighborhood and you can make it work, you should try to stay here." We talked a little more, and on the way out, I thanked him. "You know, this is the first time I've ever had a realtor try to talk me OUT of buying a new house." "You just have to maintain trust."

And he drove off, and the proverbial weight was of my shoulders. We COULD stay! We could close off a door and have more space in one area. We could do the bathroom thing. He mentioned that if we actually did expand the dining room, we'd lose a window in the kitchen, so we'd probably have to remove a cabinet to get some more light. But then we could add more cabinets over here... and then I'd have the kitchen space I'd been wanting. Sweetie didn't like the idea of the man-cave, so I'm already decorating it in my head as a mom-cave! A desk! Storage for my fabrics and yarn and crafty stuff! We could use the materials we want without worrying about who would or wouldn't like it. We could keep expanding on the edible garden -- hell, we could add grapes and more berries!

It was like the sun came out on a cloudy day. I don't know why I couldn't see the things he saw. I know I'm not particularly spatially oriented, so it was so interesting to see someone who is thinking about my space. And I'm not saying we'll take every suggestion or in just the way he suggested. I'm going to call up a contractor and ask for some of his ideas, share some of the ideas the realtor had, and start making a (long-term) plan for some of those changes. Some of them may not be made at all -- There's a better-than-average chance Sweetie will never need a different office space. But there are a lot of ways to make this place work for us, and I am so happy for being able to see that now. In fact, I'm re-energized in terms of getting this place in shape for US.

Well, I meant to be brief, and I wasn't. I meant to save room for some Zadie pictures, and I haven't. I have to get to bed. But take care, y'all, and thanks for listening.

Being a teacher

A little over a week ago, a former student posted on my Facebook wall that she was glad I had taught them about magical realism -- she was the only student in her college class who didn't look confused.

On Monday, a different student commented with a similar sentiment -- she found my web site so helpful that she was still using it to write college essays.

On Wednesday, I got in the middle of a fight between gigantic football players. It turned into somewhat of a brawl, with other kids jumping in every time we got one or two kids under control. It finally got settled, but left me with my heart racing and a minor bruise. And of course, the kids in the period immediately following found it very difficult to settle down and get back to learning.

The same day, I had to write a kid a referral because he just would not shut up and let me teach. It was my first of the year, because I can usually handle shit myself, but he went into it knowing where he intended it to head, and there was a point at which i had no choice but to send him out. It pissed me off, though. And I was already pissed at him because I'd planned a lesson specifically designed to help kids pass the exit exam. In my other class, there are 6 kids who have yet to pass, but in that class, it was just him. I was trying to help him personally, and he could give a rat's ass.

On Thursday, the principal stopped me to ask if I was okay after the incident the day before. I was in the middle of answering when we actually heard another fight start around the corner. We both jumped in and grabbed a girl each, but they were hard to get apart because one had a handful of the other's hair. There have actually been four fights in the last two days.

I posted about it on Facebook, because it was personally on my mind, but ever since, I rather wished I hadn't. My school has a largely undeserved bad reputation, and I always try to speak of it in positive terms in public.

Yesterday after school, we had a department meeting in which one of my colleagues argued passionately against adding more books that marginalized our students of color. I was so proud of her for speaking her mind. Of course, at the same meeting we were informed that we should be discussing ways to address the achievement gap for African-American males at our school. I asked, knowing full well the answer, whether that was the same achievement gap they were having all around the nation. The answer was affirmative, and I said sweetly, "Well good, I hope we can solve that, then."

Friday I had a lot to do, and I needed to make copies. (English teachers at my school have to copy 30 page packets for every student every 3-4 weeks. It's a lot of copies.) We have to use these things called Rizograph machines, because it's too much of a load for regular copiers. I replaced one master roll, rewound one other master roll twice, peeled off and threw away two masters, replaced one ink cartridge, and dealt with two error messages, and ended up using a machine that SAID it was on auto-process, but really wasn't, so I kept having to stop it so it would make a new master. It took my whole prep, so I stayed an hour after school to get the rest of my work done.

That morning, just before school, a student asked, "Do you remember that letter you wrote for me for the scholarship?" I said sure, thinking perhaps she needed another copy. No; she wanted to tell me she'd gotten the scholarship. I risk losing cool points by admitting that I pumped both fists in the air and my feet flew off the ground.

I don't think all these things have anything in common other than that teaching is a very different job than some other jobs. I know there are others with great rewards and with great risks and frustrations, but it feels like a unique endeavor sometimes. I guess that's why it hurts my feelings so much when newspaper commenters insult us. They could never understand.

January's at an end...

IMG_4641
Originally uploaded by Mrs. Piggs

Well, lots going on as usual. We've still been doing stuff to the house, although at a less-frantic pace. The other house got sold. In this market, we're pretty unlikely to sell this one now, although we are having the realtor come visit on Monday and hopefully he can make some suggestions about getting our place more marketable for the future.

I haven't been writing much or making music much, but I have been working out every day, catching up on some media, and doing some planning and grading for school. I like being creative best, but I can't berate myself for taking care of other areas of my life.

Zadie is incredible, as always. Her stories are becoming so detailed and include dialogue, transitions, and interesting details. Today one of them started, "On a dark and gloomy day..." I also heard her talking to herself, and she was narrating like "Oh, will you come to my house? But there was no answer." She can be a particular pain in the ass, too. I mean, the other day we had one of those parenting nightmare scenarios that you hear about, but you hope only even happens to other people. I won't go into it, but her room still smells like 409.

And she and her dad have similar personalities in some ways that mean they clash a lot. Neither one will give in. Neither will let anything go. So when they have fun together, they have a LOT of fun, but when they aren't doing so well, I try to just keep them apart. Today was one of those days. I left the house for two hours to go to my writers group, and when I came home, I realized I needed to keep Z out of R's path for a while. But we both deserve time to ourselves, and I try to make sure he gets his, so I need to take mine, too, regardless of how much they both sometimes hate it.

And to be honest, she can be a mean little cuss who knows JUST how to say hurtful things, and if she doesn't get you the first time, she'll keep trying until she does. Sometimes it actually quite worries me. The other day she told me to drive her to the store so she could buy a gun to shoot me. I don't even remember what it was over -- asking her to put a book away or something. I'm hoping she's just trying stuff out and not actually a budding psychopath.

I supposed that's the bulk of what's going on. February should be fun because I'm taking one Monday off to go to preschool and then we have two more Mondays off for holidays! Whee!

Hope you're all well. --CM

Sooo...

It's been pretty busy around work. Assessments are next week, plus every senior is applying to schools and scholarships, and I have been dutifully writing their recommendation letters. It's actually one of the most rewarding parts of my job -- it's extra, and it takes a lot of time, but it has the potential to help them so much. Of course, that means I'm kind of behind on grading the other kids' work and whatnot. Mostly they seem to understand (and I'll have to get it done pretty soon anyway, as grades are due in two weeks).

Something funny happened about two weeks ago. I looked at the back of the East Sac News, as I often do, because I like to read about houses and look at the pictures (it's always a real estate ad). One had the header "Room to Roam." Man, room was exactly what we needed. I glanced a little wistfully at the rest of the description -- 5/6 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a pool, a few blocks from McKinley Park... Ah, to dream. But wait, what's that last line? $369,000? Shut. Up. I called the realtor and asked what was wrong with the place. What is wrong is that it's really, really dated. Most people want to move in to the McKinley park neighborhood and have granite countertops, and this place has laminate. People love hardwood floors, and if this place has them, they're under 60s shag carpeting.

I went to see it, just on a whim mostly, and talked to the realtor, whom I trust. He said that the market has changed enough in the last six months that our house would be unlikely to sell for more than something in the low $300k area. He did say, however, that the residents were not in a hurry, so maybe some things could change. They were elderly and looking for a smaller place. "They wouldn't want to swap, would they?" I asked with a laugh. But when I went home, I thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, and I emailed the realtor again. He's looking into the feasibility of the idea. It's about a 1% chance, but it's an interesting idea.

In the meantime, we had some serious conversations about future plans and needing more space and just exactly what we'd do with that space, and it seems as though we are likely to try to sell and find a bigger place within the next five years or so.

With both those ideas in mind, I've been looking at our house with a critical eye, and there's a LOT I've been ignoring. Deferred maintenance. I've given a few rooms a deep cleaning, hired a housekeeper to come in once for a thorough cleaning, did some de-cluttering, some paint touch-ups... I painted the front door inside and out, re-painted the front rails and a column, repaired a mess-ed up spot right by our mailbox, repainted some of the siding, and painted the garage door and the trim around it. I also took out a couple dead plants and bought new ones to replace them, but I haven't planted them yet. I also have paint to do some more interior painting. The kitchen has needed it for quite a while.

And while I've been doing all this, it kind of became more about living with the place looking nice than about what other people would think of it. The garage door, for example. When we moved in, the paint job was just awful. It looked like someone had quickly painted it to cover something else and done only one coat. In fact, here is a detail shot:


So when I painted it, it was one of those things where you go, "Are you kidding me? That cost $35 and a couple hours of my life and I got THAT much improvement out of it? Why haven't I dont this before?!"

So anyway, yes, it has been nice to get some things done to the house, no matter for what purpose.

Just a few other things. Friday was my birthday, and I'm now 36. And I... kind of don't care. I mean, I enjoyed a lovely birthday dinner with my family, my mom and Boompah gave me great presents (as did my husband), we still have a Santa Cruz trip to plan, and all told, I don't feel any older or weaker or more decrepit. I admit to being vain, and I don't particularly want to look "old," so it was also a nice boost to, on the actual day of my birthday, run into someone I hadn't seen in years and have her tell me spontaneously that I hadn't aged a day.

Despite my having abandoned my cooking blog again, I have been making interesting stuff (last night's dinner excepted).

Here is something I wrote in 2004 on this very blog: "Beets. I really disklike beets, actually. People always seem to put them in our communal salads at work, and I try not to get them. They're weird and wet and taste like soil. And I'm not one of those people who are obsessive about food not touching, but I'm not jubilant about it either, and whereas if most things touch, you can kind of quietly separate them and forget it, beets leave an indelible flourescent pink stain on whatever they've touched, and usually leak a hot pink puddle around the plate, too. Bleh."

Well guess what? I've had a change of heart about beets. A friend was bringing them to work, and instead of bringing canned beets, which is what I've mostly had, she was roasting fresh ones, and people were raving about them, so I tried them. And they were quite good. I got in the habit of taking some every time she brought them, sometimes even getting seconds. I ordered a beet salad or two while out at a restaurant. And now I've started making them for myself. My newest creation is "Not yo' mama's pickled beets." I've been pickling, and it's a lot of fun and pretty easy, so I decided to make pickled beets. Pretty much every recipe I found, though, called for a lot of cookie-type spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, etc.) and a bunch of sugar. Well, I remember those kinds of beets from my childhood, and I don't like them much. So I made up my own recipe. I threw just a little sugar in the pickling mix (vinegar and water and salt), then added just about 20 dried chiles de arbol to the mix (and I put them in the jars, too). I baked the beets first, cut them into french fry-size sticks, and pickled them. I know they'll probably be best after a week, so I won't open them yet, but I tried one before it got jarred, and it tasted pretty good.

I guess that's about all for now. Z's getting bigger and funnier and hungrier and more verbal all the time. (And for this kid, "more verbal" means playing word games, writing song lyrics, and using idiomatic expressions like a pro.)