Living vicariously

I've decided to live vicariously through Mac. Mac is my neighbor. Mac teaches at a school in a juvenile detention facility. I said, "Mac, what do you do when the students talk back?" He says "They don't talk back." I said "But what if they do?" He says "They get removed from the class and I don't see them all day.' "Wow," I said. "Want a job?" he said? Maybe . . .
I totally threw a hissyfit in class today. Here's just a sample of a few minutes of a two-hour block.

Me (demonstrating): Okay, fold your paper like this.
Kid: What paper?
Me: The one you just got out. Okay, now fold it like this (demonstrating to all).
Kid: What are we doing?
Me: We're folding. Okay, now fold it again (demonstrating) like this.
Several kids: What!!! I tore mine! I thought we were supposed to tear it in half! Aw, man, can I have another sheet of paper?
Me: Yes, here you are. Now just fold like this . . .
Kid: Can I go to the bathroom?
Me: No, we don't have bathroom passes in this class.
Kid: I gotta go!
Another kid: He gotta go!
Another kid: Man that, ain't right. Why can't he go?
Me: We don't have bathroom passes in this class because you just got here and you have a break again soon. And I've said that 12 days in a row, now.
Kid: I haven't asked all 12 days. I was absent Tuesday.
Me: You're right, I'm sorry. Now open your papers . . .
Kid: Man, you always be accusing me of stuff I didn't do. How come we can't go to the bathroom anyway?
Me: Because you just got to school five minutes ago. Now open your papers. You have 8 sections now, 4 on the front, 4 on the back . . .
Kid: I only have 4.
Me: No, look. (Pointing and counting at side one) 1, 2, 3, 4 (flipping paper) 5, 6, 7, 8.
Kid: Why you always gotta treat us like we dumb? Like, ONE, TWO. Shoot, I know how to count!
Me: I certainly didn't mean to imply you were dumb. I was just showing you again because someone asked.
Kid: That was me.
Another kid: You dumb!
Me: No, we don't talk like . . .
Kid (singing): OH BAAABEEEEY WHY . . .
Me: No singing in class please.
Kid: What are we doing?

Yeah, for two hours straight. I'm usually ready to quit or hang myself by the end of period 2. I seriously considered walking out today for mental health reasons. Grrrr. Anyway, I'm now going to do my best not to think of them again until Monday morning, when I have to look at their shining little mugs again. I checked the job listings today -- there's a new high school in town that has three positions open for Language Arts teachers . . .