I can't recall now whether I mentioned the hellish, disgusting sandwich I purchased in the O'Hare airport Starbucks my first night in Chicago. It was after my McDonald's bun -- I was still hungry, so I was delighted to find an actual vegetarian sandwich.
This goes not just for Starbucks, but for any establishment that makes a sandwich of this type.
First of all, no one likes eggplant. Okay, I know there are a few people who do, but I would venture to say it's pretty rare for people to see a sandwich and go "Ooh! Eggplant!" It's the rare soul who's doing jazz hands over eggplant. Even vegetarians really don't think it's a good meat substitute.
Second, put some fucking cheese on there. The vegans aren't going to eat it anyway, because the focaccia almost certainly isn't vegan, so don't worry about them. They're packing tempeh. It doesn't even have to be special cheese -- swiss, provolone, cheddar -- all are fine. But really, bread with zucchini and eggplant is not that great.
Third, why focaccia? With rare exception, it's fluffy and crumbly and impossible to eat. You know how meat eaters complain when they have a big burger and it's on some fluffy bun that doesn't stand up to the burger? We have the same problem. These roasted veggies are heavy -- give me some real bread.
Fourth, aioli? Do we have to? Aioli is just Italian for mayonnaise, but for some reason, it has the terrible tendency to sort of... separate and sink into the bread, leaving an oily sheen. I think it wouldn't be as noticeable if we were served these sandwiches fresh, but if they sit in a refrigerator case, we are going to have oily aioli residue. Bad, bad, bad.
Fifth, why this sandwich at all? I know you feel like you have to have a token vegetarian sandwich, and for that, I am truly appreciative. But seriously, I suspect 90% of us would take two slices of wheat bread, some cheese, mustard, lettuce, maybe cukes, avocado, tomatoes if they're in season... Doesn't that sound good? I mean, that sounds fucking appetizing, doesn't it? I know you'd have a harder time charging $8 for it, but people would like it and want to eat it.
Thank you, food industry. I have no expectations that you'll change, but I will be on the lookout for Subways.
2 comments:
Yeah, foccacia is the bread of the damned for sandwiches. I worked at a restaurant where we used it, and believe me, slicing it evenly in two is a bitch. I always ended up with it off-kilter.
And eggplant. If you want it on a sandwich, it has to be paper thin, perfectly browned slices of japanese eggplant, not some slimy slabs.
Thank you.
Since I tasted this sandwich, and others like it, I have to agree. These sandwiches embody my worst nightmares; soggy, slimy foods.
I just can't eat them.
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