T1*

We got an email this morning that an old, close friend has passed away. I won't say anything about his death other than that mental illness is a terrible thing to live with, but I do want to celebrate his life.

I met T1 when three of Sweetie's friends from Portland came down for a visit shortly after we moved in together. Their plan was to catch up, play some games, eat some junk food, and probably to scope me out, too. It was a great weekend -- we took them to Tower Cafe, played around the house, and I got to know them a little. T1 made a particular impression because the bond between him and Sweetie was obvious. They horsed around, calling each other jackasses, constantly trading funny insults.

In the intervening years, he came down here several more times, we visited him in Portland, and he came to Eugene for Christmas to spend time with us and Sweetie's family.

He was charming and easy to get along with. I remember giving him a hard time about his musical choices, his tattoos, his cologne (he was sure "the ladies" liked it), and his childhood "bowel haircut." We went rafting together, and it was a farce. Monkeygirl and I shared a raft and had an easy ride down the river. Sweetie and T1, however, had a ride filled with yelling, wild paddling, and falling out of the boat. And lots of laughter.

Before Sweetie and I got married, T1 gave me "the talk." If I ever hurt Sweetie, he assured me, he'd come find me. I loved his loyalty.

He was there for our wedding, an affair that included all of six people, including the bride and groom. Early in the day, he appointed himself photographer and took pictures of everything, including me in my robe eating yogurt. He also got a couple sweet shots of us feeding the parking meter at the county clerk's office, our take-a-number number (13), us signing the paperwork... Then during the actual ceremony, he was trying to get different angles for the photos, and every time we looked at him, he'd be stalking around the room, climbing over things. We were giggling a little, but trying to keep it in. But then, in the middle of our vows, we spotted him in a potted plant, and we just lost it. Our wedding was filled with laughter, mostly because of him.

I don't remember much of the reception -- mostly I remember going from table to table to talk with my favorite people, but I do remember that he gave one of the most heartfelt and touching toasts that I've heard.

Once, we went to MB's house for a role-playing game. It was an apocalyptic kind of setting, and we were all supposed to play ourselves. In almost any game, you have to create your character, which involves giving the character statistics for things like strength, intelligence, etc. This game also required statistics in skills like driving and handling guns. The chart that explained how to give yourself the stats gave approximate levels. For example, a professional race car driver might be a 45, whereas a normal person might be a 20. A 45 in handguns was for military-trained snipers. T1 thought about it a moment, and then he gave himself 40s in both categories. Never under-confident, that one.

Sweetie's and T1's relationship had ups and downs -- T1 drove people away, and Sweetie holds a grudge, but after some time had passed, Sweetie always reached out and said "You are important to me and I want you to be part of my life." I know that whatever else, T1 knows we both loved him and cared about him.

My sincere sympathies go to his widow and three step-children. She put it succinctly this morning when she said "it just sucks."

T1, when people say "rest in peace," it often rings hollow and empty. But I truly hope you've found the peace you so often lacked in life. We love you.

*Sweetie and T1 called themselves the "Toltecs." Our friend was Toltec 1 and Sweetie was Toltec 2.