Peaches etc.

Peaches on the Beaches
Originally uploaded by Lisa Ruyter.

Hello all! On Friday night, Monkeygirl and I went out to dinner at R15, the new Paragary enterprise which is like Cafe Bernardo but not exactly the same. I had the mushroom burger (a veggie burger with a patty made of mushrooms) and it was good, better than the mushroom sandwich at Bernardo's. My only complaint (about both, really) is that the bun is really unsubstantial. It's like wonderbread. Then we split a lovely buttery fruit cobbler a la mode. Dee-lish. A group of about 15 sat down near us, and we could tell by their dirty emo hair that they were one of the bands. We were right. We finished dinner and headed in to the show next door.

On stage was Jeffree Star Perhaps I'm behind the times, as his MySpace page declares him an "internet phenomenon" or some such, but I'd never heard of him. He was this skinny (I mean SKINNY) white guy with long pink perfectly coiffed hair and dramatic eye makeup. He was singing about Louis Vuitton, and the lyrics were of the "everybody loves me and wants to be me or have sex with me" variety. At first, we were a little "whatthefuckisthis", but it grew on me. He had two dancers (although no band at all -- it was all prerecorded as he sort of talk-sang over the music), and one was a super-hot (though also skinny as shit) girl in underpants and like a cape or something, and the second was an insanely skinny man with vato cholo hair (shaved on the sides, but the top mohawk-y part was long and luxurious and cascaded down his back) and a Frank Zappa moustache and soul patch. He was in super-short shorts and knee high athletic socks. He and the girl were sexy dancing together, and he was flirting with Jeffree, who peeked into his short-shorts! It was the first of a very gender-queer evening.

Next up was Whitey, whose logo looks like the Disney logo, and who basically sucks ass. It was like 40 minutes of "we are too emo to live" in greezy hair and striped t-shirts. The best part of this set was the people-watching. I LOVE people watching, and there were many great opportunities here. The big queen who pranced around looking fab. The ugly-but-happy lesbian couple who ran, holding hands, through the venue. The architectural hairstyles. The bad 80s retro looks (seriously, feathered hair? The mullet?) The ridiculously short skirts on the extremely underaged. The three (count them, three) I-Live-in-the-Upper-Peninsula bear hunting flappy fur hats (think "Strange Brew" -- we did).

Finally, Peaches came on. As it was her 99th show of the "Impeach my Bush" tour, she decided to let the audience choose the set list, which probably worked better in theory than in practice, as it involved about a hundred people all shouting different song titles at once. We were having a good time, and the show was amazing. Peaches is a fantastic performer with a lot of stage presence (a note -- I'm not a musician-toucher. I am not one of those people stretching my arms out to pat hands with whichever star deigns to reach out from the stage. But at one point, Peaches jumped off the stage, ran over to the bar and sang from atop the bar, then ran into the crowd and announced "I want to be part of the crowd," so turned her attention to the stage and jumped and cheered. Well, at this point she was RIGHT NEXT TO ME, and I jumped and cheered with Peaches, and our arms were touching. It was cool.) She had about four different tiny sexy outfits on, one over the other, which she peeled off during the performance until she was in a silver bra and panty set. THe performance was about the music, of course, but it was also fun to watch her ride the pink Scurvy bicycle,
get a piggyback ride from a roadie, have the two androgynous band members do pushups at her feet, etc. (Another side note: one of them looked JUST LIKE J.D. from Le Tigre.)
Anyway, it was fantastic, but it was starting to get really sweaty and pit-like. The guy in front of me was dancing right on me, leaning against my front with his sweaty back. I began the elbow manouver, keeping my elbow firmly 8 inches in front of me and pointing straight out. After dancing pressed into my elbow for about 15 minutes (and taking his shirt off at one point) he turned to his girlfriend, pointed subtly at me, then turned to me, looked at my elbow and said "that hurts." I said "Yes, and it also hurts when you smash your head into mine, so give me some space." I put the elbow down, and he did give me some space.

But then there was this pussy fart of a Whitesnake-haired slut who edged up behind Monkeygirl. I knew it was crowded, and I knew she, in all her diminuitive glory, was probably a little squished, but I didn't exactly know what was going on until I heard the girl go "Can you please not elbow me in the stomach?" I looked over, and realized that Monkeygirl was employing the backwards elbow. Which is different than actually elbowing someone. It is the equivalent of holding your fist at arm's length and having someone slam their face into it. If you're that goddamn stupid, you deserve it. I cast the girl a dirty look on Monkeygirl's behalf, and right then, she looks straight at me, then does the double devil horns, leans WAY over so that Monkeygirl's head is pretty much wedged between slut's bosoms and her sweaty armpits are touching Monkeygirl's ears. She then screams "WHOOOOO" as loudly as possible. She is literally draped over Monkeygirl like a sweaty skank stole. I say loudly "Get your dirty DNA off my friend." I think there was a "What?" and a repitition, and she was like "You're going to see some DNA in a minute" and pointed at the stage. I'm like "okay, whatever." She then says "We're just really big Peaches fans." I say "that's nice, but it doesn't require blowing people's eardrums out. Back off." I was SOOOOO waiting for her to continue it, but she didn't. I was feeling a little aggro and was totally ready to punch her out. I knew I could get at least two punches in before the security guard could get over. I found out later they had been talking behind Monkeygirl's back like "You want me to punch her?" Later, she and her friend ended up in front of me, the friend swinging her long-ass ponytail in my face. I seriously was trying to figure out how I could get my pantyliner out unobserved and stick it on the dirty DNA girl. What a whore. That cast a bit of a pall on the show. I walked over to the bar area and we watched the end together from there.

Saturday she came over and we had lunch and crafted our little heinies off. She is now embellishing some of the stuff that I made, and yesterday I finished all the rest of my crafting (although I may iron some stuff as a finishing touch). I still have to wrap stuff and get to the post office to send it to Oregon. Then there are a few gifts here and there that aren't taken care of by my crafting efforts, so I have to sort out how to handle those. It may involve baking. Still, I'm almost done!

My Dad's b-day is today and I'm seeing him tomorrow. My Grandma gets into town from Iowa tomorrow and I am taking her out to dinner on Thursday. I'm going to be a busy little bee! Take care, all, and happy holidays, whatever you're celebrating.