Special guest blogger -- Mockula's Mom!!

What’s In A Name?

Over dinner last night, my daughter and I had a discussion about unusual names. Then this morning I read an article written by a friend of hers that discussed why she retained her maiden name when she married and how it upset her when people called her by her husband’s name. I started thinking about the names that I have used during my lifetime. My maiden name was “Eiserman” and all through school, teachers and other people regularly pronounced it “Oozerman,” “Easerman,” etc. These pronunciations occurred even though during much of my childhood, we had a president named “Eisenhower” and everyone seemed to know how to pronounce that name correctly.

When I was 21, I got married, and adopted my then husband’s surname, Synhorst. This was in 1970 when some women were retaining their maiden names when they married but it was still not common. In addition, I was actually looking forward to changing my identity because a relative with the same last name had started his own little local crime syndicate and was regularly getting mentioned in the newspaper. I think I had also naively hoped that this name might be easier to pronounce but that did not work out as planned. Nor did the marriage. My daughter was 7 years old when I separated from her father. During the divorce proceedings, I decided that it was time to change my name again. However, I was really tired of constantly spelling and pronouncing my name to everyone. I had a conversation with my co-workers one day about this subject and one of them (my current husband) suggested that I adopt the last name “Steele.” It would be simple and memorable. I was leaning toward “York,” which was my mother’s maiden name. It was easy to spell and pronounce and I had great affection for my maternal grandparents.

While I was still thinking about which name I would chose, I made a casual mention of this to my daughter. She immediately started sobbing and said, “first dad leaves and now you are going to change your name...no one will know you’re my mom.” In that instant, I decided that “Synhorst” it would be for the foreseeable future.

Fifteen years after that conversation I got remarried. By then I had an established career and due to my occupation, my name was occasionally mentioned in the media. I heard from several people that this was a source of concern to my ex-husband’s second wife. I had no desire to cause him or her any discomfort and in fact, never told them why I had decided to retain the name. But when I remarried, I had a decision to make. By then I fully understood why many women maintain their maiden names and actually agreed with the concept, in principal. So I had a choice; I could go back to my discarded, difficult maiden name; I could keep using my first husband’s last name (not really an option because I didn’t want to continue what I considered to be unfair to him and his wife); I could make up a name (it’s legal as long as you don’t intend anything criminal) or I could adopt my current husband’s last name, Santos. My current husband is of Portuguese descent and when his ancestors arrived at Ellis Island the name was changed from “DeSantis” to “Santos” for unknown reasons. I decided that “Santos” was perfect. Yes, it meant that I was taking another husband’s name but really, it wasn’t actually his family name either.

Now, when I speak to someone on the telephone, they have absolutely no idea what ethnicity I am. I am very fair-skinned and have hazel eyes and I enjoy confounding people who have some pre-conceived notion of who I am when they hear my name and then meet me. Finally, I have a name that people have no trouble spelling or pronouncing. I love my name.