The weekend

Well, on Sunday morning I decided I was going to the gym, no excuses. I packed my gym bag and a few things for the baby, and went. It was my first time using the gym's child care facility, which I promptly told Mary, the woman who was working there. I made sure she knew that Zadie had never been cared for by someone besides me or a grandparent, so she could page me if she needed me. I put Zadie into an activity chair thing so she wouldn't get trampled by the big kids, found her a ball to hold, and then left. I put my stuff in my locker and went immediately back to see if she was crying. She wasn't, but Mary wasn't in there! It was a new guy! I went back in, explained again that I could be paged if she cried, and then left. I rode the bike for a while, then went back and peeked in the window. She was fine. Mary was back and was talking to her. I went back and rode the bike some more. Then I went back and peeked in the window again. A woman in the hall saw me and reassured me that she'd be fine, that it was a good facility and that Zadie would make "golden friends" there. I did some weights, then got my stuff and came back. Mary told me she'd been "the belle of the ball" and that all the bigger kids were fascinated with her. At that point, about five bigger kids had, in fact, gathered around us. I said "Yes, I looked through the window and I saw you talking to all the big kids." One of the boys, maybe 5 or 6, told me "Yeah, she said 'aaaaaaaah.'" It was a pretty good imitation of Zadie, actually. Anyway, now I feel better and know she'll be fine if I leave her there again. Not if, WHEN I go back to the gym.

That afternoon, Mom and I went out to H&M, and I discovered that I am not H&M size anymore. It's probably hard to understand for someone who hasn't been through the process of deciding to have a breast reduction, but I have some emotional issues around my boobs and breastfeeding. And as much as I love breastfeeding and am not ready to quit, it is really hard to see the buttons on shirts pulling apart in the same way they did before I had my surgery and got a sweet little B plus/C minus. Of course I'm self-conscious about my weight in general, but the boobs are not helping. They're about a triple D right now -- smaller than before the surgery, but bigger than I'd like by a long shot. And that kelly green cardigan cannot be mine. It feels like I can't have nice things because I'm so enormous.

Today we had a nice walk down to Tupelo. I was thinking of taking her by East Portal park, too, to see if she was big enough for the baby swings now, but she fell asleep about a block into our walk.

I took the baby downtown to the mall, since one of the things I really want is a pair of jeans that fit. I bought a pair at Old Navy in the size that fits me in their trousers, but I didn't try them on. I should have. They're much too big and I have to hike them up all the time, plus they sag badly in the ass. So I went to Macy's and grabbed several pairs. The first pair I tried fit great and looked great, and they were on sale! I bought them, then we went and had some lunch. Then it was off to Naked roasters, where it was half-price coffee day. I bought three pounds. Sweetie's been buying the coffee, and he goes to Starbucks. I like some of the coffee, but Naked coffee is my favorite, so I stocked up. Hopefully we won't run out until mid-February, when I'll have a Monday off again!

Then we went to Borders, where I looked for books for Sweetie (didn't find them), then home to try to take a nap. Zadie was more interested in doing nursing gymnastics, so finally I asked Sweetie to take her so I could try to get a nap. Seriously, at one point she was doing downward dog with my nipple in her mouth and her legs straddling my head. I got a foot in the eye. She's wacky.

Then I made shepherd's pie for dinner, and I have since been just playing with the baby, reading, tooling around on the internet, keeping the baby away from the cat, and painting my nails. It's a nice, relaxing day. Thanks, Dr. King.