I actually sent this.

Remember the issue I was having with a co-worker? Well, I've hardly so much as seen him in the halls since! I figured it was over, since I don't tend to hold a grudge or obsess, but I was wrong. Apparently, he's been "very concerned" about the issues, to the point that he called a co-worker and had a 2 1/2 hour conversation about it! The co-worker pulled me aside to say that I had to address it and resolve it, because this other dude has "gone to the bad place." So I spend some time composing the following missive. I blind carbon-copied it to the co-worker, who thought it was good, and later that day, got a positive response from the psycho co-worker. I should add that as I was leaving my little tete-a-tete with the friend co-worker, I said, "Okay, I'll do it. I just want it stated for the record that he's the crazy one." Names have been changed...


Good morning, Mega. Between the fact that you haven't used my microwave in weeks and that, well, Co-worker spilled the beans about the fact that you're concerned about my teaching, I think I'd better address some things. I know we need to sit down and talk, and I'd like to do that within a week. But in the meantime, I'd like to express some important things, and I hope you'll forgive the fact that I'm much more comfortable in writing than in person.

First and foremost, I respect you greatly as a teacher. I have nothing but confidence in your skills, abilities, intelligence, savvy, etc. With that in mind, I took much of your advice already (I'll elaborate further later on). My class has changed already due to your observations.

Second, I value our relationship both as professionals and as friends. I think as professionals we have similar philosophies, if they are often manifested in different ways. As friends, you and I have had some fine bonding moments, I appreciate your company socially, I get a kick out of your sense of humor... I have no wish to damage either part of our relationship and I'd like to see you back using the microwave post haste.

Third, I am utterly committed to making the IB program a success. I have a strong dedication to, even love for, these kids. I feel that teaching is a calling, and I spend a good deal of my personal time working on improving the program, my teaching, the kids' skills... I will do whatever it takes to get these kids out of here with certificates and diplomas.

Now go back and read those if any of the next stuff pisses you off.

I have indeed been avoiding you. I was angry and hurt at the way our "observation" meeting went down. First, I thought it was supposed to be a friendly beer, not a ninety-minute excoriation of my teaching abilities. I also felt tricked -- you said we'd be discussing the 5th period class you observed, but rather you had a different agenda. I felt like a cat tricked into a cage, which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't also mean that you felt I was so weak or fragile that I had to be handled with kid gloves. I am a strong, adult woman, and in future, if you have something you need to speak to me about, you should do so in a straightforward manner. I assure you that I can take it.

That feeling of being handled with kid gloves was only compounded by the general feeling that you were treating me as an inferior. I recognize the need to share our observations, and have no problem doing that in an open format. However the general tone I picked up was not that of a peer mentor, but rather of a supervisor, advisor, or someone with power over my position. You actually said "I still have confidence in you as an IB teacher." In my head I was thinking "Thanks! That's a relief! I have confidence in you, too." And to find that you were sneaking around behind my back asking others about my teaching methods! I suspect that because I am (relatively) young, because I am new to Horticulturalist High, and because many people here know my father, there is also a general perception (not just on your part, but around the school) that I am VERY young, inexperienced, and fresh out of credential school. In truth, I am in my thirties, have been teaching for the better part of a decade, and have not just a B.A. and a credential, but a Masters in literature. I shouldn't even have to remind you of that. I felt intensely disrespected. I understand that you were trying to spare my feelings, and I appreciate the sentiment, but next time, please assume I too am mature and have a pair.

Also, you made your point (that I was using too many seminars and they weren't as successful as you hoped) early in the discussion, and then drove it into the ground. I got it. I wish, though, that you had been able to give me more positive suggestions. The discussion felt like "Here's what you're doing wrong." "Okay, what can I do instead?" "Well, you're doing it wrong now." "Okay, what else could I do?" "Just as long as we're clear -- you're doing it wrong."

The week after that, I was scheduled to watch your class. My student teacher has been out a great deal for various reasons, so the day I was supposed to come, I had to teach my own 2nd period. BUT, I should have then re-scheduled and made an effort to uphold that commitment. For three reasons, I did not. One, I was still feeling pissy. Two, I was thinking that if you were the great and powerful guru of teaching, how could you possibly benefit from my observation? (Okay, that falls under pissy, too.) And three, because I was angry, I didn't want to... over-critique you in retaliation. I wanted to cool off so that I did not make the situation worse. Because all three were motivated by pissy and childish instincts, I apologize. That was wrong. I was hopeful that this situation would all blow over, and that it might improve with some time away. But while time usually works for ME, I understand now that all it did was allow you to spend time ruminating on the situation and make it worse for YOU. That was not fair. Again, I apologize.

I did take your observations to heart. I want you to know that immediately following our conversation, I adjusted my lessons to include more of your suggestions. For example, we've since had two discussions wherein I wouldn't even let the kids talk unless they could provide textual evidence for what they were arguing. It was a slower conversation, to be sure, but very useful.

However, I also want you to know that you were wrong. I do not have discussions every day or nearly every day. More than once a week, yes (see the next paragraph). But you have set foot into that class twice. What you missed is me lecturing on writing, discussing the ins and outs of the rubrics, giving timed writes, teaching grammar and punctuation, lecturing on aspects of literature... You have made a hasty generalization about my teaching methods based on not enough evidence. Ask Co-worker -- he has been in my class many times, and the majority of those times, we have NOT been having discussions. It's easy to make generalizations -- I do it too -- but I do not want this idea to so occupy your mind that you assume that the small part of what you have seen is the whole. Please, please allow yourself to open your mind to the possibility that there are things you have not seen. For example, I know you've worked your ass off with the seniors in first period, polishing their extended essays, prepping them for tests and IOCs (and by the way, I really appreciate all the work that you do on their behalf), but if I were to base my impression of that class on just what I've seen when delivering your scantrons, I'd assume it was a candy-eating, iPod-listening session. But I have not made that assumption. Please give me the same respect.

Finally, I tell the kids regularly that you and I have different strengths, and I truly believe it. I am not wandering aimlessly through the year with no plan. Rather, I have thought through my plans quite extensively. I have solid reasoning behind what I do. You and I do not have the same teaching methods, and I think that's acceptable. I have class discussions because I want this class, for the most part, to live up to the college model. If they receive college credit, then they damn sure ought to have been doing college work and be prepared for college when they get there. College classes, in my experience, are primarily based on the following -- do the reading on your own, be prepared for seminar discussion, then prepare a project upon which most of your grade will be based. I also feel that the students will have difficulty seeing all the layers and aspects of the texts without them being explicitly pointed out, and if something is not adequately addressed in discussion, I guide the discussion or give the information directly myself. I believe that students will retain information better if they generate it themselves (and that belief is, of course, backed up by research). As to the format of the discussions (whether there's textual evidence, whether they're all staying on topic, whether it fits formal Socratic seminar guidelines, etc.), frankly, I feel function is more important than form in this case. If they occasionally stray off topic, I steer it back. Overall, I value the independent thinking they're doing and believe it far outweighs any structural deficits we have. Though as I said before, I HAVE made changes based on our discussion, and I will continue to do so.

Incidentally, it's a bit off topic, but I understand that you feel unappreciated for the work you've done with the seniors, particularly in terms of their World Lit papers. I just want to tell you that I do understand and appreciate how much work you've done. Last year I read each of your seniors' papers twice and met with them to discuss the papers. This year, you have essentially had the kids re-write the papers and supervised that entire writing and revising process. I am in awe of the work you've done, and I deeply respect and appreciate it. I want to assure you that because of the (let's call a spade a spade) clusterfuck that was last year's WL papers, I have made enormous changes to this year's syllabus and practice. I do not want you to have to face that amount of work again. To that end, students are turning in three drafts of each paper, not two. We started almost two months earlier on the drafting process so that students have more time to revise. I will not be passing students to year 2 if they have not turned in all three drafts of both papers. Some of the papers still suck after draft 2. I have told kids to start over (DELETED STUDENT NAME stands out as an example). I hope that these measures will remove some of the burden for you next year.

Now, go back and read the first three items again. I genuinely want us to continue to have a positive relationship, but I think it's important for you to have heard my perspective. When can we talk? Generally, Mondays and Tuesdays after school are easiest for me.

Thanks for reading this enormous missive, which is meant in a spirit of honesty, openness, communication, respect, and friendship.
Sincerely,
Count Mockula