As a teacher, I have had several students over the years end up pregnant. The saddest was when I still taught junior high. A girl came back to visit me during her freshman year and told me she was pregnant. I saw her at the bus stop less than 9 months later and she didn't appear pregnant, so I never found out what happened. Anyway, one of my students from last year got knocked up, and I didn't realize it until almost the end of the year. She's a very petite girl, so during puffy-winter-coat season, there was no way to know. Anyway, now that we're back in school in the fall, she's had her baby. I asked some of her friends yesterday whether she was raising it or giving it up. They were shocked and offended that someone might give up their child for adoption. I mean, it was like they'd never heard of such a thing, and the idea was incomprehensibly cruel. How, they asked, could I have thought of such a thing?
Well, she's sixteen, I responded. They asked if I would have given up a child for adoption if I gave birth at sixteen. I said I would have (not precisely true: I probably would have had an abortion). Now I guess it's ironic, because I'm 30 and want so badly to be pregnant. But no, at 16 I still had big plans! I would not have tried to raise a baby at 16. If I did, there's a decent chance my mom would have taken over primary baby-raising responsibilty, because I was SO immature! How would I have provided for a child? What did I know about nutrition? What did I know about ANYTHING? Shit, if you can't figure out birth control at 16 (sorry if that's offensive -- I know it doesn't apply to everyone), how are you supposed to figure out raising a baby?
Anyway, we ended up in a discussion about teen parents, and the kids seemed to think that a teen parent can be every bit as good as an adult. While I agree that a teen parent can be a good parent, and an adult parent can be a bad one, I think that maturity, self-sufficiency, job skills, life experience, and a stable relationship do add a lot to parenting, kind of automatically. It surprises me that my students don't think that way. Gotta go to a meeting...
3 comments:
Just because people can have children doesn't mean they should. That applies to teens AND adults.
I read your post at a very interesting time. Last night I met a mom who has three boys in their late 20's (the oldest is 29) and a 3 year old and a 7 month. She said she had her first 3 when she was very young and she was still growing up herself when her kids were growing up. Her 3 boys turned out fine, but she said she is a completely different parent to her younger children. She's able to enjoy them much more which isn't that surprising. I am surprised that your students were offended by the idea of adoption. I'm with you on what you would've done. Actually I even remember thinking that back when I was a teenager.
Right on.
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